Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
He thinks **** is better than you... Time to step up your game. Throw in a strap-on, some Furbies, and maybe even a spaghetti strainer.
perdix 31
Face it, it's over. You don't have a husband, you have a roommate. You need to go find some hot **** elsewhere, because your husband has forfeited his claim to your vajayjay. Your moment of truth will come when you walk in on him jerking of to **** and point at the horse **** on the screen and say, "My boyfriend's dick is even bigger."
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Comments (109)
coldplaylive2003 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I like dick. That is all.
Bananaaa_fml 0
EXACTLY !! ydi for not turning him on enough! he must be so used to having a pull off **** that he's completly forgotten that you might have sex with him in a million years!!
Bananaaa_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
shit i commented twice bahahaha
okieraider71 4
OP--Talk to your husband & tell him you want to try and put some spark back in your marriage. If he still loves you, he will listen.
annanutbread 0
Wow... You are an ass.
Paksenarrion 24
Hell no it isn't her fault. Men and women can get addicted to **** so badly that they literally can't get off with a real person no matter what they do. This is why **** is so frowned upon by so many people. It damages lives and relationships.
Starfire22 5
Ouch, that sucks! Umm hate to say it but he might not be that into you anymore...
allmidnighteyes 11
He thinks **** is better than you... Time to step up your game. Throw in a strap-on, some Furbies, and maybe even a spaghetti strainer.
Drakon_fml 7
Reminds me of an old adage: "How can you tell between a woman who's erotic and a woman who's kinky?" "An erotic woman will use a feather. The kinky one uses the whole chicken."
ZleveL 0
10 wise man, wise man
bruins1116 0
ok obviously ur discusting cause if shaving and bathing is a rare romantic moment then u have problems
coletrain11 5
Love the Brand New picture.
MilkyFilmz 26
Ok obviously you're an idiot.
MilkyFilmz 26
I meant number 85
Scynistr 20
At number 85. Disgusting. It's a word that is used fairly often. Learn to spell it properly.
Rize_fml 8
Wtf?!?
RJB 0
probaly had a bad day
omgawshglee 4
how could he have had a bad day? they just woke up cause he asked what was for breakfast :P
mastershane 0
damn that's hilarious and sucks and the same time!
lone_wanderer 0
I love everyone on FML :) *kisses*
Bananaaa_fml 0
aww love you tooo
music_baby224 0
impossible.
omghehehe 0
Kiss back :*
LikeOhMahGoose 0
Seems fake to me. YDI for having poor punctuation and spelling.
crazyarsedfly 14
Awh that sucks =(
Betsyyy13 0
What a jerk! :(
BatmanPN 20
No he's a jerker
dacho 7
Should've brought him a sammich.
cherrin 0
Honestly I would say it's both a ydi and fyl! Next time get up with him and show him that you can do it better than any **** he can watch, or do what I do, watch what the girls on the movie are doing, and do that! He'll love it! Then since you did something different make him fix breakfast!!
lmngrl889 14
that is so stupid! this sandwich stuff. really degrading and annoying. STFU!!!!