Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, my wife and I had a huge fight that ended with her taking my son and going to her mother's. What happened? I caught him playing with the knobs on the GAS STOVE for the third time and spanked him for it. He's been told not to play with those many times already, and I'm scared he's gonna start a fire. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML
Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument, which resulted in her begging for a divorce, and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WCARlover 35
OP and wife fought OP went downstairs to couch OP's wife grabbed spoon Spoon can be used to hurt people OP afraid
SilentTreatment 7
Well since OP isn't sleeping in the same bed with her, she probably wanted something to spoon with! :P
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (131)
jmbarber 0
couldve been a large metal knife.
kookylocka 0
You're a goner. You'll be stirred to death..
danomite11 0
Dont worry bro, shes just gonna use it as a big, shiny *****.... I hope
Semm 0
#19 I see what you did there!
hateevryone 15
she's waiting on you to go to sleep.
MsMeiriona 2
What was that video called? The incredibly slow murder with an inefficient weapon? Something like that....
redredblood1 7
Brings spooning to a whole new level
craZ3 0
she's gonna use the spoon to have fun instead of u
bubo_fml 11
Is this the same wife who said she was abducted by aliens a few posts back? If so, don't be surprised if you wake up the next AM w/ her claiming that they came back & you have a large metal spoon protruding from your rectum...Sweet dreams, buttercup!
nman7 0
You don't want to know what happens...