Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
Brenda37 13
She was afraid your junk was too meaty. Take it as a compliment.
MisterMichael 9
Just dip your junk into green dye...problem solved
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Comments (215)
XxEP1CFAC3xX 4
Hahaha I love your username XD and I guess she just dosent like eating meat, if you know what I mean....
Here4theshow 17
That's meat. Have some respect OP!
Wishez 12
If god wanted us to be vegetarian/vegan, he would have made broccoli more fun to shoot at! (Back me up on this one, fellow hunters!)
TopiaryOwl 18
If you think it's 'fun' to take the life of another animal you're a different level of ****** up. Much love.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
bruhhhhh ... u suck!
laden_swallow09 35
It's only not-vegan if she swallows. ;)
dog2856710 0
perv! it's nasty! b lucky u even have a girlfriend. treat a girl right. big deal she didn't give u head! god I hate ppl like u! and all I you are supporting this!! wtf!
Dravite 9
Yeah, ******** suck. ;-)
RLove1997 0
Tell her its a Cucumber.
julz91 3
Life's too short to deal with those shit, move to the next one...
EricJ 3
I've been a vegan for over ten years. It's about animal rights. There is no prohibition against oral sex in veganism. She just doesn't want to give you oral sex. If she weren't a vegan, then she'd be making another excuse.
the_true_batman 10
I hate people who pull stuff like that. If that was honestly her reason, then she's an idiot. If the reason was something else, she should be more open and honest.