NestHead
Moscow, Russian Federation
Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Zannanana
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
Anonymous
Munich, Germany
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
birdsterrifyme
This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff
Sikeston, United States
Face your fears!
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Devil's Pigeon
Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML
Anna
Buellton, United States
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Anonymous
From a great height
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Keaton
United States
Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML
Anonymous
Greenwich, United Kingdom
Murder scene
Today, I saw two crows in a park using their beaks to kiss each other. A fucking crow gets more action than I do. FML
Baldy
Polly Want a Wax
Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML
Anonymous
United States
Freedom!
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Top comments
BeingNiceSucks 6
Doesnt matter, had sex
uoeno_fml 20
What the actual ****?
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Comments (114)
emuexport 4
Head job , hurhurhur
Blaphlafagus 19
I misread that as parents at first...
jrock9093 18
That's was on your birds bucket list you should be grateful to help them, is it considered a threesome them seance you were giving head jk lol hope your not to overwhelmed
marguerita0grace 6
Do birds even have sex?
Kristen320 21
Gotta keep your head up;)
doodlebug33 20
Dirty birdies
birdtattoo 3
Read that as parents ....
poopshootmagoot 2
I hope you let them finish. Don't be a **** block
graceinsheepwear 34
My male lovebird would pace excitedly and make clicking sounds when the female would stick her butt in the air to indicate being receptive, but he would always fall off when he tried to mount the female, which infuriated her no end. She was violent toward her poor silly mate and I had to separate them in between these sad, failed attempts at *******. FTL
Inked0803 12
Talk about dirty birds