Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML
Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML
Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML
Today, my 5 year-old twin boys decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML
Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML
Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
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Top comments
mellyski 25
There's no future in superheroes these days, he should aim to be a web designer.
anonymuse_fml 31
I think he missed the part about it needing to be radioactive.
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Comments (89)
Death69 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Better Spider-Man than Trump. Because then, he would've gone to some unknown "street surgeon" and asked for a lobotomy. On a serious note. Hope your son is okay OP.
pedinhuh 23
What Trump has to do with anything here?
ThrottleJockey 36
Nothing, some people just let politics ruin their lives.
moocowmilk0 19
it was at this moment that your son had his childhood ruined forever
SookyLala 13
thats a bad ass kid you got there. guide him away from being a psycho and he'll push through anything lol.. even as little kids they should be afraid of pain.. that's awesome lol
Evil_Jester 17
Dedication right there!
revolvearoundme 15
That was the first thing I thought, whew he's not in Australia he's going to live.
gordjess1 19
Umm I suppose you could say that's dedication... Kinda like when kids believe they can fly and jump from up high. Luckily he's fine though that could've ended worse.
AviShtap 20
Yeah...I'd keep him away from other superhero origin stories. Or else his next destination would be a nuclear power plant. :(
lukian_fml 29
I don't know about the US, but choosing the biggest spider would be beneficial in Australia, the tiny ones are the most dangerous!
grumblebum 16
Funnelwebs aren't so tiny.
FSGInsainity 15
Are you Australian? If not, leave it to the psychos who willingly live there. And this is coming from an American.
FSGInsainity 15
Are you Australian? If not, leave it to the psychos who willingly live there. And this is coming from an American.
jeffreorama 11
Did he leave with superpowers?
guttedbrit 26
No word of a lie, I wanted to be spiderman as a kid. Mary Jane? Nah, spiderman. But I have the biggest fear of spiders. Your son is very brave. I hope he gets better soon! :)