Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, my son nearly burned the house down with a lighter and an aerosol. His excuse? He was killing a massive spider carrying an egg sack. My wife hates spiders so she refuses to punish him and gave him £20. But sure, dear old Dad will spend money replacing the wallpaper and curtains, no problem. FML
Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML
Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML
Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML
Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML
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Top comments
Blade Sorren 5
It may be possible. I'm just saying. But you're gonna need to do a lot more scientific alterations to the spider and yourself than "microwaving"
James Thompson 8
I’m not sure if animal cruelty applies to insects, but it’s better that he would want to be a superhero, rather than displaying early warning signs of a future serial killer. Still, the kid doesn’t sound overly bright. Hopefully you can teach him the difference between Fantasy and reality.
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Comments (4)
KittyMack 13
It's still animal cruelty whether the intention was to cause suffering or not. OP sounds like one of those folks who drive drunk and then say "Oh don't blame me for that guy I killed, it's not like I did it on purpose!".
Blade Sorren 5
It may be possible. I'm just saying. But you're gonna need to do a lot more scientific alterations to the spider and yourself than "microwaving"
Alex Neiva 17
That kid will grow up and develop the first super soldier serum
James Thompson 8
I’m not sure if animal cruelty applies to insects, but it’s better that he would want to be a superhero, rather than displaying early warning signs of a future serial killer. Still, the kid doesn’t sound overly bright. Hopefully you can teach him the difference between Fantasy and reality.