Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
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Top comments
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
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Comments (148)
MaryLee_fml 2
yaak>< how can one hate kits?! unbeliveable
murch 0
i hate cats. simple. you ask that and my whole family hates them. plus a lot of people are allergic. that's how you can hate cats.
sublimaze 6
you may love your cat, but your cat doesn't feel the same way about you. cats merely tolerate humans b/c we're a reliable source for food, and living in an air conditioned house with plush furnishings is much easier than living outside
a_peyton 3
Suck it up, big boy.
johnnydeath 0
Make friends with the cat. if you keep telling yourself that you hate it, you'll just keep hating it. Animals are rad :)
killabee 0
This sounds like a really terrible movie plot. I hate the cat, but I love her, and we've been bff since kindergarten, and I always give her advice about other men and she always dates jerks... BALLS MAN! You need BALLS!
corme_fml 0
Lies are what hold a relationship together. :P
Sipos 0
FYL. Not about the cat thing. If you don't like it, you should say. About the unrequited love thing. Being a complete push over isn't really attractive. You should say, gently, that you are not a fan of cats and that, while you love that she likes it, you're having a hard time living with it so, maybe she could keep it out of communal areas when you're around.
hoydenrulez 0
she doesn't kno??? man like he said grow some balls
BrownSugar_fml 5
John?
mrguy266 0
Youre quite odd sir...it's only a cat..
pfunk129 1
they have people that take care of these things.