Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML
Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML
Today, I was sexiled so that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML
Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
spd2fst4u 5
I think I'd have him arrested.
Zero22120 12
How do you not wake up to that?
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Comments (213)
Wreckless_fml 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a legend.
katsteak 0
O.o
Stealthed 8
Casually undressing your girlfriend in her sleep? I think we sir, have just gone to defcon 2!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
That's plentyyy of time! :D he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for her meddling consciousness ;)
Iamnotmyself 17
Casually? I bet he does this every Friday night. Possibly Saturday too. Hell let's go with every night. And even if he only did it once, I say spray him with ant spray and say "Die bitch, die"
upwardSpiral 4
^ references to the previous FMLs...... well played sir.
flockz 20
but the real kicker is when the girlfriend woke up, she startled him but instead said "less lovin', more humpin"
Keyman1212 14
He's a legend? More like irreverent towards your girlfriend, but I'm a reverend, so I'm much higher up than he is. (somebody ******* get this)
Iamnotmyself 17
-35 Unfortunately as they were about to do anything on a log they found, it turned out to be a dead seal.
AnonymousTroll 2
Well if he ate his fruit like a good boy she might like the taste.
a_lenzmeier 11
True, but she didn't like the hot coffee being thrown on her. Or his crappy taste in music.
whyXD 13
Kill the bastard. Then go and undress his mom in her sleep.
getthepunchline 0
is op's roommate 60 years old and your gf 18
tatababe 1
What a raper while she was sleeping??( you should ruin that his life
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
37-weeds maybe??
akayc32 0
66, what good would it do to undress his mom in her sleep after he's dead?
iluvboobies 9
At least he has a gentle touch if she didn't wake up. :)
juicedboi 7
"Insert a witty pun using a previous FMl here".
dzhonatan 14
That's freaking hilarious. Unbelievable. Enjoy the roommate. It could be worse. He didn't undress you.
SunDropGirl 0
25 nice FML refrance! LMFAO!! :D
TheRealHouse 7
He was just looking at her because she was farting so much, but she thought it was because he was in love.
katsteak 0
I wonder if his girlfriend liked it
atthegates 0
Why would he confess? He'd already gotten away clean!
THEBLACKIN 3
Your roommate has skill!
THEsuperMANLYman 10
Sneaking skills LV skyrim
kenyrabit 25
Because he got her off, too?
birdfreak 24
Woooow he can't get a girl or what?
annasworld 3
well at least he doesn't put your cat in the washing machine and kill all your best friends. (you'll understand if you have seen the movie the roommate)
birdfreak 24
Can't say I have. But that sounds very bad (what the guy did)
kings1fan 6
Spoiler alert! Thanks 28
hahalaughing 0
......what did she do? 0_o
ebroks 17
maybe that was his next course of action...
KrazieKleo 13
Wow..that is ******!
j_cat187 20
Unlike the creeper
theten_fml 9
I'd beat his ass!
sskarma23 9
Kick the ******'s ass! That's what I'd do
sskarma23 9
Oops didnt see your comment 147
upwardSpiral 4
we got a creeeper on the loose......
prince122 0
oh no not when I just built my mansion :(...
CryMoreFMLs 15
He's one step away from filthy rapist. He is no creeper. I am. He is a rookie rapist.
2oc 5
I pictured the Creeper from the old Scooby Doo cartoon when i read this
spd2fst4u 5
I think I'd have him arrested.
fthislyfe 22
the girl probably liked that cuz she didn't wake up...seriously! she was asleep the whole time??? so they can't arrest him...the girl was in too
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Roofied...Or good sex^
fthislyfe 22
thumb downs? really? so u think the girl was asleep the whole time? god...
portablecupid 3
So rather than place the blame on the guy who confessed straight-faced to undressing a sleeping woman, you'd rather place the blame on a woman whose side of the story you haven't even heard? Yeah, there's a reason you got thumbs-down. People tend to dislike assholes who blame victims for getting assaulted.
dbss11 3
132- why would he confess? how do yu know the whole story? what if she "persuaded" him to say something like that, because she was about to get caught? girls can easily persuade guys with their bodies sometimes, so don't assume while being a smart ass to others, please and Thank yu :)
Ugi 27
I agree 5 - very few people seem to see that this is obviously sexual assault. I don't know about being mad for a few days - this guy should be locked up for a few years. Only odd thing (beyond the general perversion of it and having the ability to strip a grown woman without waking her) is that the OP didn't know something was up - if I went to bed clothed and woke up naked, the first person I would ask about this is my wife!
Zero22120 12
How do you not wake up to that?
Dalliance 4
If you secretly ARE awake and enjoyed it, so you pretend to be asleep still and get the pleasure without the blame.
Burnbaby 0
If you are super drunk or on sleeping medicine you don't wake up for anything.
SexySlayer1248 18
That's like sexual assault of a sleeping or unconscious person
CryMoreFMLs 15
It is, 65. If he had done anything SEXUAL, that would be rape.
Dalliance 4
Okay, I don't mean to be crude or minimize the pain of actual rape victims, but is it actually considered rape if he *only* touches her vulva? Or is that sexual assault, with the term "rape" reserved for forced penetration? Just confused.
mudkipsan 19
@Dalliance: It's legally defined in a different way in every state. However, stripping off somebody's clothes and fondling their genitals without their consent should be considered rape. Sexual assault covers crimes considered less severe, but in a lot of jurisdictions there is some difference in where that line is drawn.
jkrist 7
Those stickers with the smiley faces keep people asleep
fmlham 0
Lol vulva
lazyfitpants 0
tell her to press charges. that's a huge warning sign that the guy has severe problems.
amiebran 3
That is a precusor to much more serious issues. He needs to be charged with something.
Emoney1 3
He probably made the whole thing up so you would pay attention to him instead of her. Your roommate sounds like a jealous ex girlfriend.
prince122 0
ex girl-friend?!?!
Emoney1 3
Or current, lol
Virginia6810 16
Unlikely. If he wanted attention he could have said he saw his girlfriend with another guy. I'm sorry I find your comment very random.
PurpleFrostingg 7
Dude, switch roomates, now.
baconstrips 12
I would get a new roommate that's just too creepy...