Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML
Today, I baked a cake for when my mum came home. I did everything I needed to do and put it in the oven, set the timer and went to do some things around the house. When my mum came home, she asked why there was a uncooked cake mix sitting in the oven. I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year-old sister passed out on the couch. FML
Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling, "Who's your daddy?" at his plate of barbecued meat, and my mom just sat there with that, "What the hell happened to my life?" look on her face. FML
Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML
Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML
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Top comments
MSheary1993 1
I was gonna clean my room but then I got high!
finished 10
Call them and find out you'll be less worried :)
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Comments (295)
margapp 3
Aww hope ur parents are alright:)
taracrane1 7
Exactly. I'd thank the roomate.
rubberduckie94 13
your roommate should have told you. call your parents and make sure their ok.
Calyx_fml 22
Highlarious!
lmaoatall 6
Put the joint down, take a deep breath, it will come to you. And so will the munchies. Hint hint
cBlackout 13
That's going to be an awkward call tomorrow.
OfficeNinja 5
It is because of people like you that so many others think smoking pot makes you stupid. In reality, pot just amplifies the stupidity already there.
blackstar994 5
So its basically making you stupid.
OfficeNinja 5
No. But if you are already stupid, it sure will not make you smarter. However, after the pot wears off the latent stupidity is blamed on the weed.
StEENAEph 5
That is just great.
eatsleepjb 8
Even if there wasn't a retarded person there, you shouldn't say that. It's not meant as an insult, people are actually retarded. And you never know, someone could have a retarded friend or relative and could be offended.
theevilduchess 12
Wrong FML.... Just saying
eatsleepjb 8
Lol I swear I posted that on the other one o.O
old09 11
That sucks but I'm calling it a win