Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

No more yodelling

Today, I was singing in the shower and my neighbor called the police because they thought I was in trouble. FML

Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML

Not taking it well

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

Nice neighborhood

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

Speaking in Welsh can cause this too

Today, I was harassed repeatedly by other passengers during my flight for speaking Arabic and sounding aggressive. I was in no way being aggressive, and I had to speak Arabic because it's the only language my mother-in-law speaks. Such a fuss was made, I did end up being questioned by TSA. FML

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

I'm right here

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife… FML