Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML
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Top comments
aridawn 0
I wouldn't want him over anymore if he's digging through your stuff! What a little brat!
Guiseppi 0
Heh, nipple tassels. That's just funny.
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Comments (43)
moon21_fml 0
i can see why he wouldn't want to visit...
YtotsDI 0
she's a girl look up at the top
SilenceIsSilver 0
Can I come too? ;)
horridromance 7
and one more???
cassyannalise 0
I wouldnt wanna visit you anymore either.
snazzymcwho 21
Most healthy adults have some kinky toys. I wouldn't want you over if you were going to snoop through my stuff!
THEBlade_fml 1
Kinky
kjklopu 1
It would make it funnier if u were a guy
corocoro 30
"Secret" stash, huh?
The_9th_Doctor 18
little bastard shouldn't have been snooping anyway
mea_iloveskiing 26
Sick