Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML
Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML
Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
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Top comments
metallica_wins 20
Please. Everyone knows you cook cocaine in a crockpot.
Mahcookiez 15
Shit, where are my spoons, gotta clean em fast
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Comments (37)
8Dirty1 24
she doesn't want you following in her footsteps youngin you need to stay away from drugs medicate with cannabis instead may i suggest some Bubbalicious Girl Scout Cookies BEST pot I've ever smoked
awildwhisper 30
Hmm the joke is too long.
ConfusedCat 11
Does anyone in Saskatchewan sell drugs? There's like, 10 people there. I should know, I was born there.
grant_3rict 8
That's what you get for cooking up some Coke in the night!!
dannidoll93 24
Wow your mom is clueless. You're clearly on heroin
nameisname 12
What is a discolored spoon doing in your room
phantomxbg 17
Tell her you're trying weed instead
kowsee 22
Only solution obviously. Your mom is the smartest ;) hahahaha. Good lucky with the rest of your life
Norja 33
That's an oddly specific accusation. Sounds like your mother has some secrets...
Guy1009 15
So what were you using the spoon for?
laden_swallow09 35
Filthy slob. Clean up after yourself! YDI.