Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
The body keeps the score
Today, I started my period, complete with cramps, diarrhoea, a headache, bloating, and aching legs. Apparently my body didn't get the message that I had a total hysterectomy a month ago, including my ovaries, tubes and cervix. FML
Revenge is sweet
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Bunged up
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Jumping the gun
Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
I've known for ages
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
PSA
Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I finally got my period. There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML
Narcissistic parents
Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML
Top comments
haliacc 17
If you've never had those symptoms you should consider yourself lucky! I know people who have all!
briang959 47
Lucky you.
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Comments (83)
briang959 47
Lucky you.
thrifting 18
This is why I take birth control... No mo' periods. Win win.
haliacc 17
If you've never had those symptoms you should consider yourself lucky! I know people who have all!
jazzy_123 20
I don't think the words "consider yourself lucky" should even apply here. There are women who have cramps that are so bad, they pass out. And then there is OP, who has a burning butthole every month. Periods are just the devil's work, I swear!!
Classy_Sassy_15 15
I have the same thing as op, and the pain of having to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so is excruciating.
homesuckfucker 28
Add migraines to that list, and you have me! Reproductive organs are aggressive, and useless to my plan of world domination. :(
LeoCor 19
I get vomiting, painful cramps so I can't move (even with pills that are meant to reduce the pain) and cry really easily.
thefmlman2011 37
Wouldn't it just be nice to get none of that when its the time of the month?
JocelynKaulitz 28
It would just be nice not to have a "time of the month" at all really.
Mauskau 36
I take the progesterone only pill, no periods for almost 4 years. I definitely don't miss feeling like crap for most of the month as the week before and after I still had moodswings and pain.
MovieFreak1978 11
Since my hysterectomy December last year I don't have these issues anymore I had horrid cramps and bleeding don't. Miss it at all
DomiLove 26
I get the shot every three months, no periods for almost 6 months now
boating_guy 33
Yeah since I was born a male, I've never had any problems. Maybe give it a shot in your next life
Brandi_Faith 34
I'm also on the needle form of a progesterone pill and haven't had my period in years. Best thing ever!
skitzymew 19
I am also on the pill. I havent had a period in two years. All the symptoms are gone as well. I inherited my mothers symptoms, which were awful and a pain to deal with. When I was in school, I basically ended up having to stay home everyday of that week and sleep it off. Severe cramps, heavy HEAVY bleeding, and the possibility of cysts in the future.... yeah, not my thing.
Allison_leah23 17
It would be great. I miss being 12 and not having a period.
tournamentdecide 33
I had my period when I was 11, I don't know what you mean by 12.
Rosebudx 32
Recently I've developed pain for a week before and after my period, as well as massive bloating and diarrhea during that time span. All of this is worsened by the pill and my doctor is mystified. Consider yourself lucky, OP. It could be so much worse.
imagineapc 11
The same thing happened to me. Look into Paragard, the copper IUD. Best decision I've ever made for my sexual health.
Rosebudx 32
The doc is afraid to go that route at the moment because I have heavy bleeds, too.
sweetbliss3 37
get on the shot. no periods, no mood swings, no nothing. iuds suck if you've never had kids before. horrible cramping no matter what day of the month it is. and forget about sex. horrible all around
Rosebudx 32
That's one option we're looking at. Gotta do some tests first to make sure I don't have all of the cancers or something.
Rawrshi 25
I have the Mirena IUD. I love it. I get the very occasional cramp and had almost constant spotting for the first month, but since then it's been great (only a few light cramps during the bleeding so not like a period). No pain during sex or masturbating at all; plus it reduces cramps and bleeding during your period and eventually periods usually stop all together. Periods used to be excruciating for me and would make me suicidal because of major PMDD; now I'm a lot happier and emotionally balanced even during ovulation and when my period would have been. I've never been pregnant either so it isn't exclusive to those who have been/given birth. Mirena lasts 5 years and releases a tiny amount of progesterone directly into the uterus so it's healthier than the shot/pill shit has to go through your system so comes in a larger amount.
shadowedpixie 19
Yeah, the Mirena is great!
MiloBear 11
Have you had an ultrasound? A few years ago my sister had similar symptoms and it turned out to be a benign ovarian tumour (although doctors originally thought it was a cyst from ultrasounds). It only hurt just after her period because her fallopian tube swelled up during menstruation, causing it to tighten around the tumour.
Rosebudx 32
If I get an IUD, I suspect it'll be the Mirena because my doctor has their adverts everywhere. And yes, the ultrasound has been done already, and it came back mostly normal. Hormone tests come next, with a CT scan and possibly a biopsy depending on the results of everything. Sorry for hijacking, OP. I'll stop now ^^;
imagineapc 11
Your doc is covering every base so it should get better! #39 seems to have had bad luck with an iud but remember that her experience isn't yours. It did suck to have it placed, but I don't notice it now. The only symptom is have is heavier flow, without the cramping. Bf doesn't feel it at all:)
maddyylion 16
Tell someone that was raped that it could have been worse .
bleh1000 3
Go to a doctor - not to sound over-dramatic but the same thing happened to me (cramps became much worse, started lasting for 8 days, then 13, then about 20, then the pain was chronic) and I ended up being diagnosed with endmetriosis. I now take hormones and don't have periods any more, and the pain is much better (though I do have a ton of musculoskeletal pain that's slowly resolving itself. The sooner you get on treatment for something like that, the better.
Rosebudx 32
They think I have a mild case of endometriosis. They haven't felt any growths and the ultrasound came back normal, but the symptoms don't lie.
Rosebudx 32
Excuse me, but I fail to see how rape is even a part of this conversation. I told OP that her symptoms related to her period could be worse. It's not like she said "I got raped" and I said "Well I have pain every time I get my period so I win the sad case".
Suaria 38
You are very lucky. I would rather have diarrhea than cramps for hours on end during that time of month.
mommy2cassidy 18
OP is not really lucky. I have had both horrible periods and painful diarrhea and when you're constantly in and out of the bathroom it's not fun at all. Actually one of my issues was because of that time of the month. The whole time did suck but for the first few days, I couldn't go very far from the bathroom so it was both at the same time. Luckily, my doctor put me on BC that makes it so I do not deal with that anymore but I still have my bowel issues that still sucks.
Exodiafinder687 58
So instead of cramps you get to squirt from both holes. All you need now is a stomach virus to complete the trifecta.
mohamed_H 21
Fml team why do you always delete my comments :/ this one will probably be deleted too but i don't know why lol
kerrycakes 21
I've never had any of these symptoms, I've always assumed everyone is over exaggerating
sarah5745 41
You lucky, lucky thing.. I've had all of those problems come and go from my first period. Trust me, it's horrid.
llalala_fml 19
That's kinda rude to assume people are over exaggerating just because you've never experienced something yourself
PleasantDino 22
I have had cramps so bad that I literally could not move at all. I have also fainted from the pain. If anyone had ever told me I was over exaggerating I would likely have stabbed them in the crotch.
Rozza17 29
I luckily am also like #9 in the way that I don't get cramps or anything like that. I do get the slightest little ache a week before for a little while and I do feel sick on some of the mornings that I am on it but that's seriously it. I definitely don't think people are over exaggerating though! I see some of my friends in sooo much pain from it and I feel so sorry for them. It's just not fair at all that we have to go through this, especially every few weeks.
kaykayduhon 7
I was like you until I had children. After my youngest I can't leave the house the until I'm on day 3. day 1 isn't too bad just slight diarrhea but day 2 is AWFUL. I have diarrhea and cramps but the worst part is that I literally am bleeding so much that if I don't change every 30 mins to an hour I bleed into my pants. I have to wear a pad and tampon through the night and still wake up often. If I go anywhere I have to do the same.
ksks1234 33
36-- I have the same issue with the heavy bleeding. Have you tired soft cups with a pad at night? It works a little better for me than the pad/ tampon combo. If I want to sleep in, I just get the strongest absorbency depends. You will probably get laughed at by your significant other and kids, but it is worth it.
stargirl_95 24
I was like you until I hit 14. Then I got bad cramps, food cravings, gas, bloated, mood swings and constipation. This year I got to add insomnia (I literally watch my bedroom getting lighter as the sun rises without having slept a wink) and migraines to my list of shitty symptoms. But I never assumed that other women were over exaggerating and it's kinda shitty for you to do that.
1dvos_grl3 21
I usually don't get symptoms, but once on a blue moon I will get cramps. I used to think like you #9 until I couldn't move from the pain. it's real #9 it really is.
love_me_electric 20
For some women, period cramps are actually more painful than going into labour. They're definitely not exaggerating.
may14th 26
heavy flow is even worse
Danyasha5 13
try having pcos...it is horrible. >.>