Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom asked me out of the blue if I was ever going to consider getting married. It wasn't until after the conversation ended that I remembered my siblings are all either single like I am, or incapable of having children. I am my mother's last hope of becoming a grandma, and she reminds me all the time. FML
Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years-old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML
Today, my mom had to go off on my grandmother because I don’t have kids yet and she, "wants great grand babies before she dies." My grandmother was going to gift me a baby outfit for me to get another hint. I’m 25 and can’t conceive because of health issues. I may never have my own kids. She knows. FML
Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I tried to have a conversation with my mom. As usual, it turned into an hour long gush about how much she loves her grandkids. When I said, “You know you have children as well, right?” She goes, "Yeah but I only had them to have grandchildren for me!” FML
Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML
Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML
Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML
Today, my mom has been aggressively trying to get me to marry one of her coworkers, who is around my age. Apparently she loves her like the daughter she always wanted, and since it would be silly to adopt her; she is determined she will be her daughter-in-law instead, whether I like it or not. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
The fact that she knows bothers you? Hear this everyone: WE KNOW. We were all kids once, and we know what you do. As long as she isn't walking in on you while you're climbing the flagpole, you're fine.
joep1 7
Don't worry man, masturbating is healthy and normal. But hey, you cant blame her. What mother doesn't want to be a grandmother!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (74)
DuRpY 5
I imagine this is the sequel to the " 'Since you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier. - Love Mom' " post. You still haven't found one, buddy? Seems like she's running out of plans if she's taking a direct, more confrontational approach.
Vidrill 22
If you really want to meet someone and start a family, I would suggest asking your friends to introduce you to someone and going out more. You can still hook up with your hand in the meantime....If not,that's acceptable,too. It just might take a while for your mother to come to terms with it. It's your life, live it however you feel comfortable...
thetguy 4
They always know man.. Always. Pretty weird if you really think about it!
Mister_Triangle 21
I think everybody is jumping to conclusions. OP's mom is probably naive and intended it to mean that she thinks he spends too much time on the computer (not necessarily jacking it)
tatertot10 2
It's not weird. It's obviously something guys do especially if they dont have a girlfriend.
perdix 31
You gotta hand it to moms! Even if you do find a wife, I suspect your hand is still going to see a lot of action. Especially, if you pop out a couple of grandkids. You'll get barely more sex than you are getting now, but you'll have to settle for cheaper lotions for your beloved hand.
ToxicxKitten 9
Oh well, at least she isn't trying to convince you to stop? But that must've been pretty embarrassing. FYL, OP.
ICastillo 25
Once a day keeps the blue balls away.
loserman67 36
Look your mother in the eye, tell her it's your Joy Stick and you'll beat it when you want, where you want, how you want and as often as you want and if she wants grandkids, she should go visit the used tissues in the wastebasket in your room. You could make a sock puppet, fill it with baby batter and give it to her as a present. "Here mom, here's your grandkid. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go rid myself of some excess bodily fluid."
gc327072 31
That comment was both disgusting and epic at the same time. Kudos.
BananerzFresh 12
No wonder OP can't find a women. He spends too much time in his room masturbating.
mosquito19 14
uh, not jerking off in the living room would help hide your shame
pervy_ninja 3
Ol' Rosy is the only lady you can ever really trust. Ol' Rosy Palm.