Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting a four year-old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me, and that I should go die and never come back. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, I’m 9 months pregnant. I was in a grocery store when this little hellspawn came tearing ass down the aisle right at me. I instinctively turned to the side to protect my belly, while the brat crashed into my hip and fell backward. His cunt of a mother cussed me out for knocking down her “baby”. FML
Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
omgitsmoe 26
Why did you eat that baby ?
froggyjade 16
3 people? That's one strong 4 year old
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (120)
omgitsmoe 26
Why did you eat that baby ?
sweetbliss3 37
you have to swallow a baby in order to have a baby, dont you know? lol
cakefete2 31
That, and babies are delicious while being quite nutritious. This is the main reason why older women kiss babies and say things like "I could just eat you up". They are sampling the wares and opening price negotiations with the parents.
fuckyourlifeOP 25
If she had swallowed the baby, she wouldn't have been having one.
SnazzyPotter 17
Am I the only one who thought of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers?
Rallred32 20
OP just wants her baby back ribs.
incoherentrmblr 22
With lack of gender icon, I must ask, Fat Bastard is that you?...
AFCCT 7
79, you're like the thread jacking king.
NinjaDitto623 14
OP deserves it for swallowing a baby
l1zZY 5
BEST THEORY EVER
lord_meloetta 20
They are good for you
nick3600 22
Because babies are tasty and delicious
whythankyou 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's so sweet!
zevo1415 10
No
whythankyou 19
Yes. I think that it's sweet that the kid cares about babies. He's just 4 years old. He clearly does not understand where babies come from nor the friability of pregnancies and thus he acted a bit out of hand. I doubt that it's as extreme as the FML makes it seem to be.
mannatee 19
I see what you're saying, it's cute that he cares about babies, but, no, the way he acted is not sweet
cakefete2 31
Actually, the way the child reacted, could have harmed the baby. Imagine if OP fell or took a well placed stick to the gut. Alas, the road to hell is paved by good intentions.
fantasyworld 39
The way he acted isn't. He could've hit her stomach.
rocker_chick23 27
It's not sweet. He could have made OP miscarry if he hit her in the gut.
That_Wolf_Gurl 8
No
froggyjade 16
3 people? That's one strong 4 year old
fsomelife 26
The three people were two-year-olds.
cakefete2 31
They might be putting protein powder in his breast milk.
Axipiter 24
I'd hope he's off the teat by four...
grapefruit_hd 7
I went back on it when I turned 50
icnburbbygrl 23
Guess we know who's not babysitting.
icnburbbygrl 23
Meant further down the line
peceout 29
Lets hope he won't harm your baby when it finally comes out.
False_Stupidity 42
I can't help wondering how old your neighbor is... He takes stupid to a whole new level if he honestly believes that people swallow babies to get pregnant.
peceout 29
He's four? So how could he? His parents probably haven't told him about how babies are made.
False_Stupidity 42
I thought that at first too, but then I thought that it would not take 3 people to pull a 4 tear old off of the OP so maybe OP meant that they had been neighbors for 4 years. It's a bit oddly worded. EDIT: Nevermind, I'm half alseep and slightly intoxicated.. commence the storm of thumbs down.
omgitsmoe 26
I can't help wondering how stupid you are
peceout 29
It says "My 4 year old neighbor". Which makes me pretty sure that he's 4.
9echo 17
No, OP actually meant "my four YEAR-OLD neighbors." The infants were standing up for their fellow kind.
WMFG16 14
You're the epitome of a dumbass
obeykaitlyn 25
it clearly says that he is 4 years old
bpickett18 16
No I have to agree that OP could have meant that they were neighbors for 4 years. I dont think thats the case but I can see how some on might think that. And 4 year old kids know how to cling to things. when my little bro was four, it took bother my parents, me, and my uncle to pull him off a street sign because he didnt want to go inside.
jsp16 24
Did you charge the kid? O.O
Earths_Venus 25
Really? You'd be laughed out of court.
TheNiceOne 20
My defendant is very sorry for hitting you with a stick. He's very upset right now because he's missing the "Dora the explorer" marathon right now. He would apologize for his actions, but he's barely able to talk due to this disease called Infantenza.
cakefete2 31
We the, prosecution, move that defendant immediately be given the chair your honor. *points to time out chair in the corner*
kinky44 28
The ELECTRIC chair.
Rallred32 20
Too far, 85.
WinterBlue42 22
That escalated quickly. .
howlingwolf89 16
3 people for one 4 year old kid?
iJanisch 6
A lot of younger kids don't quite grasp just how strong they are and thus don't have the ability per se to grasp or touch things gently. That's why you hear stories about toddlers giving bodybuilders black eyes or toddlers breaking things. Then again, I'm not an expert on the muscular and neurological systems of young children, so you may want to consult someone who actually went to school for that.
GhostChickens 17
I worked as an assistant in a school for a while and it often took a couple of people to stop a child. It's kind of an unfair fight because the kid is going at it full force but the grown ups do their best to avoid hurting them. I think adults are more aware of the damage they can do, so they're more careful. If a pregnant lady was involved though, I'd probably have cared less about the child because I would think she was more at risk from being seriously hurt than the kid was.
amberv61 22
You also have to remember that he has a stick. If you can't grab a hold of the stick right away it's not gonna be easy to stop him while also getting hit by said stick
Chellec2013 28
It can be difficult picking up a four-year old if they are fighting you. They move their little bodies every which way trying to get down. Like 32 mentioned above, you do this while trying to keep the child from falling.
emeraldmaz 9
Yeah, 4 year olds can be squirmy little bastards. They flail about and it can be pretty difficult to get a hold on them if they're fighting. This could obviously be a good thing in a bad situation (for the child), but when you need to stop a kid from harming someone else, it's a detriment. It's kind of like trying to pick up a very energetic large fish.
PewDiePie_Lover 14
did he hurt your stomach though? also congratulations on your baby.
Earths_Venus 25
I think your neighbours need to have a little chat with their son about the birds and the bees.
PewDiePie_Lover 14
the son is four.. don't you think that's too young?
hulopro 16
At least tell the kid that people don't eat babies to get pregnant.
avapaige1234 19
Well when I was a kid my mom told me that babies are bought in stores and inserted in the tummy to grow from baby dolls into infants. I guess that could be a good explanation for the mean time?
doodlecloud 27
Thats....a terrifying explanation. It really isn't that big a deal to just tell them the truth. You don't have to put in all the gory details but you don't have to lie to them either. They probably won't care much anyway - it's just another fact of life to them. Unless, of course, you freak out and make it a big scary taboo subject.