Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, it was mine and my girlfriend's two-year anniversary. Back in my room, I decided to get sexy for her by opening the bathroom door, dropping my bath towel, and slowly approaching the bed in the buff. I tripped over my feet and fell flat on my face twice while doing so, which she hysterically laughed at. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML
Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I fainted in my bathroom, full on naked and sprawled out on my bathroom floor. When I came to, I was in pain from landing on my side and very disoriented. I sat up and could see my husband just roll over in bed and go to sleep. He didn’t even ask me if I was OK. FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
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Top comments
Miss_Q 0
If you hadn't of been so excited she wouldn't have had as much to grab onto!
Ea12thquake 0
owned hahah that sucks
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Comments (195)
Ea12thquake 0
owned hahah that sucks
_Noon_ 0
Let me be the first one to say that I'm replying to #1 to be on top, cause I am. But only because I have something really important to say: This one should definitely be made into an illustrated FML!! For real!
Person_Man 0
I am replying to the reply to #1 because I have something very important to say: #26 is a retard.
DoomJeff91 2
Your junk is four feet long? I said something almost funny or I'm an idiot. I replied to the top because I want to be noticed. I agree with #43. Three of the werds are missspelled in this sentince.
DameGreyWulf 1
No, but I'm guessing his wife is at least four feet in body length, probably actually five, making one wonder why she didn't just grab the bed instead.
FarSide 23
Oh quit bragging, shorty.
kewlguy23 0
#46, who gives a **** if the word are misspelled?
Sunbolt 0
yes yes yes yes yes yes
newmanlyman3 8
hey 46 she is not 4 feettall more like 5 feet tall
sukhdeep 4
lol yeah totally agreed 46
isaiaha11 2
YANK! :'[]
Miss_Q 0
If you hadn't of been so excited she wouldn't have had as much to grab onto!
nads_fml 0
hahahaha your so right
Ughsucks 0
This is so retarded. Who sits on their bed NAKED and then watches someone else come to the bed "nearly" naked? Just the thought of this makes me gag... even if you both were actually hot (very very unlikely).
DameGreyWulf 1
Because they were getting ready to have some fun, and a woman who is nearly naked is somehow sexier than one who is... That's why sexy lingerie exists. It's probably the "taking it off in a seductive manner" part.
bexox 0
Ughsucks- I don't understand what grosses you out here. Please explain.
JackDupp 11
wow i bet your a lot of fun in the sack!!
Ughsucks 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Naked bodies are not that attractive. There's something extremely weird about standing up naked waiting for someone to come out of the restroom. I don't know, maybe the fact that 99% of people would look hideous naked/standing. The entire thought of this situation makes me laugh. I can just imagine the thoughts running through this lardass's head: "Oh man I'm so horny let me stand up naked so she can see my hot naked/chubby body" "Oh man look at my wife's fat rolls flopping over her panties as she walks out seductively" Being naked and standing should be accompanied by a girl bent over a kitchen table or on her knees... not in order to "seduce" someone. The entire situation was just ASKING for "LULZ"
BigD2018 0
You are obviously an idiot and have never had sex before. When you're in that moment, there is nothing sexier than seeing your naked girlfriend walking towards you seductively. You suck.
agitate1 0
I know, all i can (and dont want to think of) but end up doing is imagining old...wrinkly and yeasty people..
shawleigh17 2
You're kind of a pig, huh?
sugar_bear 0
he wasnt sitting he was "standing" which kind of makes it funnier....and more awkward. lol
ouch99 0
not everyone is as fat as you Ughsucks...
Firegod83 2
Planning on being single for life then I take it?
Dazzleness 0
lol, definately =]
daniel_dd31 13
Lol made my day 111
Whoa_YouSuckk 0
lmao XD this is one of the only FMLs that have actually made me lol
22cute 17
It's like a handle
Herropreez17 0
Lol OP hows THAT for a hand job? :P
NikkiJC 0
OMG!! thats terrible :p and she didnt try to use the bed :(
hk_fml 9
LOL. Owww. I hope your junk fully recovers.
thatWOULD_happen 0
ouch!! damn that sucks! haha hope your junk feels better soon!!
xHaniffax 0
ooooh kinky...NOT
megamouth2 1
Damn, that must have been a quick hj ;) I joke, I joke. Hope she didn't yank it too hard!
greenltrn2003 0
lol...at least she caught on to the frank and not the beans :-D otherwise the OP wouldn't be having any kids
seb12992 0
Sorry to the OP, but I had to favorite this. Best FML ever! :-D
Souja_fml 6
dude, I have TOTALLY seen your icon somewhere. A friend of mine made a poster with it on it...
rizzoy 0
LOL! FYL indeed.