Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

Today, I didn't think getting egged was a thing anymore until I found that my car got egged. FML

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

Damage control

Today, I overloaded the washing machine and it flooded the downstairs. The flooring will have to be scrapped and drywall replaced. It's 100% my fault. Did I mention this is not my house? FML

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML