Today, my grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I'd better start praying for a husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML
Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls, and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML
Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm that loser. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
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Top comments
bluecat_fml 0
grandma humor, never gets old :P
aardvarkish 17
I think I would have said, "Don't worry. My boyfriend promised to leave his wife, stop selling drugs, and then marry me."
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Comments (77)
Filitov 0
Grandma wants some Grandkids on the double!
whyme203 15
wouldn't it be great-grandkids?
Filitov 0
Why yes, yes it would be. Silly mistake on my part. I 100% blame it on me posting comments at 4am. :D
Ioannes 0
HAHAHAHA!!! In my country if you had insulted someone like that you would be severely beaten with a stick, regardless of age...
twinkybandit 2
haha old ladies are the greatest as one of my favorite old ladies says 'i'm too old to be nice, I'm tellin people what I really think & feel from now on' lol
iSitt 0
the future is nursing homes for lesbians
Sweetie2u 1
EPIC!
succubusprime 0
Push her down the steps and then hit on the paramedic. Wink at her and say "thanks" as they put her into the ambulance.
CloudEnvy 17
Such cruel ambition.
Edokun 0
i like the way your mind works, violent and takes anger out at the same time as doing what were asked to do =D soumda good :S
zerobahamut03 2
maybe she's old fashioned and didn't mean anything bad by saying that. maybe she meant it as in pray for a loving and caring husband.
hanniegirl 0
what's wrong with rossart beads
beeship321 5
She's Jewish
Illyssa_fml 4
Oohh!! Burned by your grandma! hahaha
Illyssa_fml 4
"Happy birthday, you're gonna be alone forever!" fyl