Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML
Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML
Today, my mom tried a new recipe for dinner. She proudly served what she called "gourmet vegetable stew." One bite later, I had to fight every urge to not gag. She asked me how it tasted, and with a straight face, I said, "Delicious!" She then asked for my honest opinion, so I told her it was, um, "an acquired taste." She hasn’t spoken to me since. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML
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Top comments
YUNOFML 16
FYL for being found out and having to terminate the operation.
honestsleep 9
Whatever, more cauliflower for you.
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Comments (95)
kemando 22
He's watching too much Burn Notice.
GrinchFu1 27
You should learn a couple of Russian phrases and let him"accidentally" hear you using them... Like, say, on a phone call you quickly end after he's heard you speaking Russian! Once you hang up the phone, say another Russian phrase into your watch and nervously exit the room as fast as you can.
BracJones214 3
dasvidaniya white brocolli
watsinausername 13
That's racism.
jarrettd 27
I raised you better than this, Russian spy.
Spazz420 7
Next time serve the orang cauliflower. It'll blow his mind
bredahl 26
Well veggieluver, guess we're going to have to find another way to genetically modify broccoli so it can control the human mind. The white appearance of the broccoli was apparently too obvious. At least we can still control the circus bears. >_>
nabesh 5
Too much watching TV,grandpa.
bambi1989 15
I should do that to get out of eating my veggies too! ;)
perdix 31
It's not the white broccoli (cauliflower) that's Communist, it's white asparagus. That shit was developed in East Germany!
poccocurantes 7
What's next Perdix? ice cream? childrens ice cream? I can no longer sit by and allow communist subjugation, and infiltration of our precious bodily fluids.
bizarre_ftw 22
Sadly, thought I both completely understand the joke and love asparagus, I still can't erase the overwhelming memory of The Great White Asparagus from the show "The Kids Nextdoor" when white asparagus is mentioned