Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, I was listening to some music with my wife, and I mentioned that the song that was playing changed my mind about breaking up after an argument from years ago. For some reason, she got insanely pissed, threw a suitcase at me, and told me to pack and go. FML
Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML
Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
I may be a girl but I'm on your side...sounds like she was being too sensitive
Welshite 40
#7: I would label myself as a feminist with an emphasis on equality, but I'm smart enough to know the difference between a joke and an insult. Besides, to "put [him] in [his] place" sounds abusive and controlling. That's not feminism.
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Comments (51)
Khaleesi_26 30
if you're saying to put him in his place than you are no better, and equally the same.
sweetest_jenn 18
Bad timing on that song on the radio, but how was that your fault?! Your girl needs to lighten up.
MidnightStone 3
Tell her guys can be bitc#es too. But usually we call them d1cksor assho1e$. Dicks be crazy!
MrsKim04231991 3
Lmfao! I just died laughing
token_blackguy 18
Too bad that song isn't about women.
Brandi_Faith 34
7, this is why so many people have a problem with feminists. There's wanting equality and rights and then there's freaking out on a guy because he opened the door for you, or paid the bill, or pulled out a chair for you, which is just psychotic. Feminists are now known as psychos who can't take a joke and freak out on anyone that tries to help them; you should want to change that image.
Suspender_Swag 2
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. Lick on these nuts and suck the dick. Get the **** out after you're done. I hops in my ride to make a quick run. I use ta know a bitch named Eric wright. we'd run around and **** the hoes at night while we were ballin on the motherfuckin Compton streets. Beat that shit to get some on. Number one song after number one song. As long as my my motherfuckin pockets is fat I didn't care where the bitch was at. Well, she was with this white bitch doin' the shit she do. Suckin on his dick just to get a buck or too. Now I know the shit she be doin, ain't shit. ~Bitches ain't Shit by Ben Folds~
hmanonfire 6
Not actually his song. But I like his version more. Makes it more sad. originally it was by dr. Dre and snoop dogg
Suspender_Swag 2
Bitches ain't shit, bitches ain't shit Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks Lick on these nuts and suck the dick Lets get the **** out after you're done And I hops in my ride to make a quick run... I used to know a bitch named Eric Wright We used to roll around and **** the hoes at night Tighter than a mutharfuckin' gangsta beats And we was ballin' on the muthafuckin' Compton streets Peep that shit, got deep and it was on Number one song after number one song Long as my muthafuckin' pockets was fat I didn't give a **** where the bitch was at But she was hangin' with a white bitch doin' the shit she do Suckin' on his dick just to get a buck or two And the ends that she got meant nothin' Now she's suing cuz the shit she be doin' ain't shit Bitches can't hang with the streets She found herself short Now she's takin' me to court That's some real conversation for your ass I once had a bitch named Mandy May Used to be up in them guts like everyday The pussy was the bomb, had a nigga on sprung I was in love like a muthafucka lickin' the protung The homies used to tell me that she wasn't no good But I'm the maniac in black, Mr. Snoop Eastwood So I figure niggas wouldn't trip with mine Guess what? Got gaffled by one time I'm back in the muthafuckin' county jail Six months on my chest, now it's time to bail I get's released on a hot sunny day My nigga D.O.C. and my homey Dr Dre Scooped in a coupe, Snoop we got the news Your girl was trickin' while you was draped in your county blues I ain't been out a second Now I already gotta do Some muthafuckin chin checkin Move up the block as we groove down the block See my girl's house, Dre, pass the glock Kick in the door, I look on the floor It's my little cousin Daz and he's ******' my hoe I uncocked my shit... I'm heart-broke but I'm still locked Man, **** that bitch! ...3,...4,... Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks Lick on these nuts and suck the dick Gets the **** out after you're done And I hops in my ride to make a quick run... I used to know a bitch named Eric Wright We used to roll around and **** the hoes at night Tighter than a mutharfuckin' gangsta beats And we was ballin' on the muthafuckin' Compton streets Peep that shit got deep and it was on Number one song after number one song Long as my muthafuckin' pockets was fat I didn't give a **** where the bitch was at But she was hangin' with a white bitch doin' the shit she do Suckin' on his dick just to get a buck or two And the ends that she got meant nothin' Now she's suing cuz the shit she be doin' ain't shit Bitches can't hang with the streets She found herself short So now she's takin' me to court That's some real conversation for your ass Bitches can't hang with the streets Bitches can't hang with the streets Bitches can't hang with the streets Bitches can't hang with the streets ~Bitches Ain't Shit by Ben Folds~
lochiamochia 25
I enjoy cooking and preparing my husband's meals. It gives me great delight to see him eat into what I placed much time and energy; however, I have never recalled him telling me to get back in the kitchen. I don't think even in a joke that would ever occur to him because it's telling me to go to a place I enjoy being anyways.
lochiamochia 25
Telling a girl to get back in the kitchen would be traditionally equivalent to telling a guy to go back outside and get working and fixing the house. You think the world would actually have more bellies filled and houses in better repair if people actually abided to that logic.