Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
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Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
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Comments (246)
Julesie 9
Dumbass. I would've thrown the damn lamp at you too! NEVER tell a girl something like that. If you don't want to lie, just say something like: "I love you just the way you are" or some shit like that.
noobienick 19
Dingleberries are little pieces of poo hanging from your butt
zachthegaut 10
I don't think he knows what dingleberries are...
Laura3415 16
Dingleberries...you wouldn't have happened to read the book An Abundance Of Catherans, would you?
minirasmussen 10
What bitch
sirbob692 7
moron. do u even know what a dingleberry is??? smh
thereal167 1
Hahahhaha dingleberries. You're an idiot.
wood32000 4
correction, the clans you felt was your dick being smashed cause your an asshole who will die alone
LilSass22 13
Idk what's funnier her throwing the lamp or the fact that u said dingleberries
RobinLink37 9
I guess that means no more 'pushin' for a while, eh?