Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML
Today, I was talking with my mother and expressed my slight disappointment at how many of my friends are getting into relationships, whereas I'm still single. My mother decided to encourage me by saying "Don't worry, sweetie. There are boys out there who don't go for looks. You'll be fine". FML
Today, my drunk dad told me I'm smart enough that any guy could overlook the fact that I'm fat, but not smart enough that they could overlook how ugly I am. Gee, thanks. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML
Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML
Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML
Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML
Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML
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Top comments
Blre 0
I wouldn't say they'd date anything...more like they'd f**k anything.
suyci 0
yep, thats how we men are, blunt and realistic :P
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Comments (28)
mleugim 0
ouchh
yuhhkno 0
haha nice dad yuhh got therr
yautah 0
56654654
suyci 0
yep, thats how we men are, blunt and realistic :P
greenman_fml 0
at least he speaks the truth
TheyCallMeSpaz 0
Meh. All I can say is, most of us guys don't know how to lay down things lightly and delicately, I have the same problem 80-90% of the time. But look on the bright side, you could lose weight, I've lost some myself, but just make sure you do it for yourself if you decide to do it. Try to have a better day today. :)
Dr_Phil 0
I agree with #7.
RotaryP7 4
This is true but there's also some exceptions..
Blre 0
I wouldn't say they'd date anything...more like they'd f**k anything.
yuhhkno 0
now were talkinn
blah_blah_shity 0
hahahaha wow.
suyci 0
lol, #20 has the same problem..