Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML
Today, after spending over a year getting clean and sober, I started feeling horrible withdrawal symptoms and couldn't understand why. It turns out my wife had been dosing my food with Adderall "to keep me on track" and just stopped. So much for my anniversary chip. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got drunk and started crying, begging me to never break up with her, only for her to say 10 minutes later, "I don’t wanna be with you anymore." Then she asked me if she could buy me some pot, and, "Let’s watch movies." FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Corn chip addiction is some serious shit.
crankawank 19
It's nice to know that you care about her enough to do that, though. You're much better than all the douchebag boyfriends usually featured on FML.
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Comments (141)
challan 19
I've heard that corn chip addiction is harder to overcome then heroin. She might want to level down by trying a lesser drug like cheetos. baby steps.
crabby02090209 1
Hey man. That's serious stuff.
chippa 24
Oh, that's so shitty, OP, but funny FML!
worldclassrager 41
breaking one is a start maybe the one that will actually kill her will come easier...but still be supporting it's worth it..
FML_a_Must 7
The first time I read it I thought she was gonna stop eating cold turkey, I thought :O how could you?!
hateevryone 15
You should've asked her to make sure before you cancelled your plans.
MCSpicyCamps 5
Well YDI if you changed your mind about staying home, and went somewhere else instead. (I'm kidding, just pointing out that the way you worded this could be taken the wrong way!)
linkinpark98 24
My God... Once you eat one, you can't stop.
poisonfish 3
corn chips and cigarettes activate some of the same pleasure centers in the brain, so they both can be addicting. try some conditioning. every time she reaches for the fritos, burn her with a cigarette.
stej1985 3
jimmy crack corn, and I don't care?