con135
Farmingdale, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
Top comments
Obito_Rocks 6
I'm hoping it didn't end up the way it did on the show, anyway.
toxicLover28 19
Spongebob lines are great and catchy.
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Comments (132)
NamelessFace 22
Are you feelin' it now Mr. Krabs?!
classicsparkles 17
You, yelled, "firmly grasp it", at your girlfriend? Wow, so romantic, were you afraid she might drop it? I can assure you it isn't made out of glass and it would not shatter if she did.
Regimental_Phan 18
no no, it's the episode where squidward is in a fullbody cast and spongebob and Patrick take him out jellyfishing.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@95 Okay wanted to make sure you were/ looked old enough to nostalgically remember the episode. And not because you watched it...LASTNIGHT. Although no judgement. O.O I still remember that episode. Squidward had it allllll kinds of bad, lulz.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@51, Wait, WAIT. Am I the only one who noticed you mentioned her "dropping it"? I think if she dropped it, he would have way bigger problems than it shattering, I assure you. Admittedly I'm not super brushed up on my anatomy... but I don't think that's a detachable "Plug&Play" option.
mfxray 10
well did she firmly grasp it?
CaroAurelia 12
I've heard it said that if you can't laugh with the person you're banging while you're banging them, you shouldn't be banging them. A sense of humor is key in a relationship.
bassfisher100 23
how do you panic bc of a hand job?
EmeraldMoonshine 21
I can picture myself doing this lol
swaglesshipster 23
You, sir, just made my day!
con135 12
Needless to say she still makes fun of me for this, when she asks me for something she will say something like,"can you firmly grasp that soda and hand it to me?"
Moklon 18
That's not so bad, OP! Now you two have a new inside joke/funny story!
flee2321 10
I agree with #61. It's great that you both can have a sense of humor about it and have an inside joke.
Roku_Crow 12
Ouch dudebro. I'm sorry to laugh.
teentee401 37
Any girlfriend who understands and laughs at Spongebob references is definitely wife material. Congrats.
ZorroRooster 19
Sounds like you got a keeper, dude.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@59/OP, That's epic. Definitely marry that woman! Vegas that s#!%, immediately.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@61, Lol, not so much with a story. Usually my publicly shared stories don't start with "Oh so once when she was giving me a hand job..." Then again I don't have a penis. But that's an entirely separate endeavor. Paraphrasing and such... Eh, you get my point! :)
alysssssssa 16
That's great! it's better that she took it as a joke rather than being mad about it.
xluciferx666 21
Poor squidward
chazzywazzy654 22
Is your girlfriend the same girl who had to mentally sing the FUN song to avoid an anxiety attack?
fyallslifelol 2
How stupid can you be?
alex_gen 39
"I wumbo. You wumbo. He- she- me... wumbo."
helloboyzder 13
WUMBOLOGY? THE STUDY OF WUMBOLOGY? It's first GRADE, spongebob!