Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML
Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
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Top comments
Hannah_fml 0
I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.
shinshoku13 19
Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him
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Comments (50)
Aviva1313 0
#8, I have been to over a dozen countries and seen a slightly larger number than most of penises, the average penis size is definatly bigger than 5 indhes. Also I dated a guy with an 8 inch penis for 2 years. I'm 5 ft 2 and it never hurt...also, why were you watching infomercials? That's not the same thing as a commercial
Hannah_fml 0
never did I say it positively was 5 inches, but I now know that it is 5.5 inches. many people measure incorrectly, and NEVER did i say that you personally would feel pain with an 8 inch penis, if it is actually that big. Personally, when I go on vacation I don't go sleeping around with the locals... i guess the same can't be said for you.
Hannah_fml 0
Thanks for summing it up for me, Joan (:
sillypun 0
slightly over 12 penises is not that many depending on how old you are. You can do that without sleeping around even. she might not be a ****. She might only hook up with boyfriends. she didnt have to sleep with them to see the penis. being naked with a member of the opposite sex is a fantastic experience and should be shared more often. but I guess for the internet forum kids, 12+ penises may as well be a boatload of penises.
Xaviera_X 0
#26 - well if you can't think of anything better to do with a **** than look at it . . .
breezybonnie 0
being that I've had both ends of this.. one was 10inches of fun, no lie. and the other, well, not so well-endowed. the cocky son-of-a-bitch that was packing couldn't live up to his own hype, and my little friend was the best time I've ever had. Bigger isn't always better. It's all about how you do it. If she's not complaining, take it as a joke and move on... or hey, I'm available ;)
spitfire921 0
damn thats dirty. i would expect that to be a joke. well atleast you have a great personality! lmbo my sympathies friend
louisianagrrrrl 0
it ain't the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean ;-)
Ajaxxx 4
ouch... atleast you got someone to nail.
Roobydo 0
haha, at least she's supportive.