Today, my father yelled at me for changing one of his two programmable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, #1 is for sober driving and #2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML
Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
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Top comments
null_fml 11
A lot of people drive drunk because their judgement is ****** when they're drunk. Clearly your dad plans to do it, even beforehand - seems like he's quite a retard.
Boddmon 0
Everyone is different, I know a lot of people who claim that it's easier to drive when high because you can focus however it's just as easy to become focused on something else while you're driving. I could be "high as balls" too and then suddenly notice a very appealing billboard for Twinkies and begin thinking about them. "mmm Twinkies" *crashes car*
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Comments (109)
johnw11 0
I'll be the one laughing when the asshole crashes and burns to death. I wouldn't care, one less person to endanger others.
ashleysmashleyyy 0
this isn't fml, this is mlia because it's funny -_-
danii_s2 0
you shud stop wasting time on fml, and give your dad a fkn hard talking to.
Newbie21 1
that's really really serious .... drunk drivers kill thousands if people every year FYDL for doing that and FYL for doing nothing about it
lorraineald 7
^70 This comment makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Awnonymous 4
Driving on weed isn't a that big deal, you can look up driving comparisons between alcohol and weed. Alcohol makes you daring and causes you to take risks, weed makes you cautions and you drive slower.
Boddmon 0
OP said high/drunk driving meaning one or the other, or both.
wut_fml 0
Weed still slows your thinking and reaction times. It affects your alertness, coordination, and ability to concentrate. Those are similar to the effects of alcohol, and yes, it is a big deal. All those effects make it dangerous to drive while high.
wut_fml 0
.
Awnonymous 4
I'm high as balls and I just did a reaction time test and came up with above average reactions, actually.
Boddmon 0
Everyone is different, I know a lot of people who claim that it's easier to drive when high because you can focus however it's just as easy to become focused on something else while you're driving. I could be "high as balls" too and then suddenly notice a very appealing billboard for Twinkies and begin thinking about them. "mmm Twinkies" *crashes car*
pegasus77 0
I do that with shiny objects and I'm sober driving. XD Anyways. Yeah, compared to drunk driving, driving high on pot isn't horrible. Dunno bout other drugs.
yakturk43 0
hahaha your dad is AWESOME!!!!!
Julle_fml 0
I hope the asshole gets caught by the police or realises how much of an idiot he is. Take his license away... - and for the pubescent children in here, who thinks "oh, it's so awesome! drunk and high! zOmG!!". He's risking other people's life every time he gets behind the wheel in an intoxicated condition - if you consider that to be awesome, then seek help.
Shady_R 0
Does your loser dad also open fire in a room full of people, because that is what he is doing everytime he gets behind the wheel drunk OR high. He will kill someone or himself eventually. And it would be premeditated murder. Next time he stumbles out of the house, unable to walk straight or speak clearly, call the police and anonymously report it. You'll be doing society a favor.
Boddmon 0
Better yet... while he's asleep, smash up the front end of his car a little bit and smear some blood into the dents (if you have a sister, maybe steal a used tampon and squeeze the blood out) then take a bat at your sister while she's asleep. Call the police and say he got behind the wheel drunk last night and hit your sister. (oh and drug her so she doesn't remember that you beat her with a bat) He won't necessarily know it's you but at least he'll be set straight before he hurts someone. As for you? shame on beating your sister.
Boddmon 0
Oh come on, you know that was the best part. Its all about consistency!!!
ronjonathon 0
Boddman wins nothing but biggest douche
Boddmon 0
Jealousy indeed my good man! You didn't even spell my name correctly, gosh how rude.
Vurban 0
You don't know your laws, obviously. It wouldn't be 'premeditated murder', because he did not plan to go out and kill anyone. Granted, he intended to go out and drive while drunk, but he did not go out to kill. Get yer facts straight, buddy.
geovanni 9
manslaughter in the first degree, I believe
jakwob69 11
You sir, need help.
cerebellum_fml 0
he probably would have blamed you if he got a dui
BlueTwist89 0
Omg. Wtf is wrong with your dad?