Today, my father yelled at me for changing one of his two programmable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, #1 is for sober driving and #2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML
Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
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Top comments
null_fml 11
A lot of people drive drunk because their judgement is ****** when they're drunk. Clearly your dad plans to do it, even beforehand - seems like he's quite a retard.
Boddmon 0
Everyone is different, I know a lot of people who claim that it's easier to drive when high because you can focus however it's just as easy to become focused on something else while you're driving. I could be "high as balls" too and then suddenly notice a very appealing billboard for Twinkies and begin thinking about them. "mmm Twinkies" *crashes car*
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Comments (109)
JPalmer94 0
dads suck
tangerine_12 0
"Go dad?" Seriously? Are you THAT much of a fucktard to encourage drunk/high driving? I guess you are.
snzizle 0
moron, meet sarcasm. sarcasm, moron. there, now you're properly introduced
maggie4realz 0
Um I think it's pretty obvious OP was being sarcastic.
maggie4realz 0
Hahaha darn it snzizle yours was so much better than mine.
did_it_4_lulz 0
It's an FML because OP's dad is cooler than him,
aMEIzing 0
uhh this isn't an fml. it's not funny. at all. truth is, drunk driving is a serious offence... and it's nothing to joke around about. maybe your dad should just get someone yo run him over... because clearly he lacks respect, courtesy, care... everything if he's drivig around as a drunk ass bastard and putting other peoples lives at danger. and anyone who thinks this fml is funny... or their dad is "cool" and "fun" should stick a sock in it. sick *****.
DanielleTheOne 3
you put a lot of thought into your comment ayye?? 1) It is an fml if his dad is putting him and others in danger 2) fml stands for "f**k my life" not "funny men living" so it doesnt have to be funny 3) obviously OP knows its a serious offence because thats what makes it an fml 4) the fact that his father "lacks respect, courtesy and care" is also a contending factor of this fml I could go on but I think I might have educated you enough Oh and OP, your dads car souns cool. its a shame he'll probably wreck it one of these days...
SHORTstopp99 5
Borton Volvo car company's cars come with 3 programmable seat positions.
toxicavenger89 0
lol ur dad is a still a dumb kid. that's funny as hell though lol.
Butcher_1419 0
92, who said fml had to be funny? sounds like a genuine fml to me. the OP's dad is a terrible role model to them. at least the OP recognizes this and can learn from it
hannnahms 1
This isn't funny. at all. If it's not supposed to be funny, then Go Dad shouldn't be on there either. my 18 yr old brother is paralyzed chest down all because he got hit by a drunk driver. Your dad should be put in jail for risking other peoples lives for his own buzz. F_ck his life. no, just F_ck him.
yourefreakindumb 0
What the **** is wrong with you? It's not your car, so don't go changing shit in it! You deserved it big time.