Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

Asshole

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

Every day is Caturday

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

Bad guy

Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

Anger management

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

Drunk MC

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML