Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML
Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML
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Top comments
ilovehamburgers 0
Yes you are.
emmiep1011 7
I hope you resorted to butter beer.
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Comments (479)
GuitarGeek44 3
The website doesn't become public until October. It's still in the testing phase. You should explain this to her
LiveLolLuv 0
lol I got into the website. millions of ppl want in
L3g4lPl4typus 0
yes you are considering how you speak and your phrasing. but look at it this way: at least she's not a twilight fan
PrincessPesa 20
I think people should have to pass a parenting exam before being allowed to breed. Regulation! Undemocratic but necessary.
ejayzmma 0
No u ain't lolz u don't wanna hear her u tell her to shut the hell up then u get sum peace and quite xD
ejayzmma 0
U want her to shut up tell her shut up nd u don't wanna hear about sum stupid website
iMagzzzy 0
shes a bitch
blair_x 12
Hey - getting your registration email from Pottermore is like getting your acceptance letter from Hogwarts. And yes, you are a terrible parent.
laideehawk 6
Be thankful you can hear your daughter whine. I'm sure there are plenty of parents who have lost a child or cannot have one who would be happy to take your daughter off your hands. Now shut your pie hole, suck it up and be thankful for what you've got!
thewife5 19
seriously do any of the people who comment on here have kids? you're not a bad parent.. this generation is spoiled, whiney as hell and most useless, it is OUR fault, as parents... but seriously.. what's with the whining?