Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Pizza party
Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML
You absolute melt
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML
Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML
Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML
Top comments
iseyixes 18
I guess her future allowances just went down the drain.
notjanedoe 27
Under five five years old: with a bit more experience, your child will go far. Above ten years old: you raised an idiot. In between: average is its own aspiration.
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Comments (89)
LookAttMyyLifee 12
Wonder what else she's hiding..... All that money wasted down the drain
grimmotek 8
Why is no one else focusing on the key words in this scenario: "while I was napping." Maybe if you weren't napping while your daughter was running around the house it wouldn't have happened.
molzipan 16
So by your logic once you become a parent you're not allowed to sleep?
gracehi 33
Yes. The moment my mother gave birth she stopped sleeping. I keep telling my brother he needs to move out because she's starting to get cranky and the world supply of coffee beans in running low, but he's such an underachiever.
little_star78 13
Sleep yes, but there is no way I'd risk napping with my 5 or 6 year old up and running around. I know being a parent can be exhausting but this a prime example of what can happen if you let your guard down for too long. And like someone previously pointed out, it could have been her hand in there instead of the spoon.
gordogirls 4
Uh yeah, u dont sleep when a child is awake!! Thats just part of being a responsible parent.
Sonfang 19
Perhaps they laid down together to take a nap, and the kid waited for mom to fall asleep (or woke up early). If the kid is 5 or 6 s/he should know better than to touch things like that, my niece is 4 going on 5 and she knows not to play/touch the garbage disposal. She's the type to hide things under her bed, or in her toy boxes. Maybe OP thought their partner was watching the child? Parents are allowed to nap and sleep after they have kids, and to think they don't is stupid.
happylawyer 16
I do not think that any one who says a parent cannot take naps while their child is awake has kids of their own yet. It will happen at some time that the child will be awake while the adult sleeps. But, even if I don't believe in totally childproofing a house, because kids need to explore and learn, but something like a food disposal switch, knifes and matches should be out of reach of children.
Artgeek72 6
#34, As most of the people above me, I think that what you say is absolutely ridiculous. First of all, you don't know how old this child is and second of all, do you really think that children should be coddled and protected to an infinite extent? Drawing on my own childhood, I know that my mother would take naps regularly, when I was as young as four years old. I knew full well that any mischief would be severely punished and I knew just as well what was dangerous and what wasn't. So telling a parent that they are iresponsible for taking a nap when they have children is incredibly presumptuous and denying both parent and child of any breathing room. People need to stop trying to protect children from everything that could hurt or upset them. Children need to discover these things on their own, otherwise they will never learn to fight their own battles and take care of themselves. Now I'm not saying that children shouldn't be supervised and encouraged to play with dangerous object, not at all. My point is that children shouldn't be suffocated with security.
Raum 19
38 - How do you know the child is 5 or 6? Clearly, she is old enough to be able to reach the freezer and serve herself ice cream. And she's old enough to know when she's doing something she shouldn't be doing. That, to me, says she's no toddler and therefore should not require constant supervision.
spartangrl 6
well... she could have used a chair to stand on to get to the freezer.... or it could be a fridge where the freezer in on the bottom. really there is nothing to go on in this FML to determine the age..
grimmotek 8
I have a kid of my own, hence why I said what I said. I'm up from 7am to 3am dealing with work, 3 kids and school and even I don't nap while the children are up and running around. I can understand if they're older, but if a child does something during day hours while you're laid out sleeping then ydi and thank god it was a spoon and not their hand.
grimmotek 8
Age has nothing to do with what a child is able to do. My three year old gets a step ladder when he can't reach something or climbs on the counter. Turn your back to see why one child is crying and the other 2 will plot and find something to get into. Kids find a way, it's the parents who make sure they don't execute their plans.
gordogirls 4
I have 4 children ages 6,5,3,1 all of them can get into my ice cream its called a bottom freezer, pretty popular to have fridge on top. I do not nap, if I do they are too and Im on the couch where if they wake so do I! I dont care if the kid was 2 or 6 obviously they need full time supervision. 6 year olds can fall and knock themselves out, they can walk out a door, so ya please sleep for two hrs while your kids walks down the block. Obviously there r times like in the pooper you cant watch them but you can hear them, and as a mother my showers are as fast as possible, my ***** r with an open door and I rely heavily during those times on my very responsible 6 year old to make sure the rest obey the rules
awesomegirl47 5
Depends how old she is lol
cng903 1
Kids are sneaky little assholes..gotta love 'em.
RedPillSucks 33
trolling successful
chuckcloninger 12
Please tell me that she's not 23 or something?
skinny_treats 6
dumb kid you got there
lifesucks1217 6
there is a difference from trolling and being a huge douche bag
Thursday737 7
Trolling is intentionally being an asshole.
Slackness 10
You raised a retard.