Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident. When my dad came to pick me up, instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when we went to the hospital, while I clutched my arm in pain. FML
Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML
Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied, "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML
Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
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Top comments
madellen 16
Well he's a 'dick' for saying that op!
ImTheAlpha 30
Sometimes I'm glad my dad left. But then I realize my mom finds this stuff equally hilarious.
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Comments (83)
TheDevilWearsJoe 8
Take it easy OP. It'll be hilarious in a few years time.
FMLreaderLeL 6
I wonder if his dads car...got broken?
LowExpectations 30
Then OP would have to hobble his crippled ass home with no ride.
trackstar224 4
Lol yur dad knows how to live
ahippienamedrae 10
Would you say it was very "ballsy" of him to say that?
sydneysays 15
Oh no..
DianeYoung 11
If you go sarcastically along with it, people will forget
Witchylady 18
Your dad is an ass. What a rude and inconsiderate thing to say out loud and at your school. Did you tripped him with your crutches.
captainsmegma 12
You don't have to take dad's ride. You can always wank yourself to school and wank yourself home.
pjsr 33
Your dad is going to be on the staff's mental list of 'parents to avoid' and also keep an eye on for other inappropriate or possibly criminal behavior. Joking or not, any adult that talks about masturbation in a school setting will be remembered - and not in a good way.
redstone7693 29
Lol did you actually break your leg while masturbating