Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, a side effect of my new medicine is uncontrollable itching. To “help”, my boyfriend gave me itching powder. When I got mad, he claimed he thought itching powder was used to combat itching. What? FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
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Top comments
boopingsnoot 25
1. Go to the ER / A&E and get help. 2. Plain, unsweetened yogurt can help. So can ice, and probably Vagisil. 3. No sex for dumbass boyfriend. No bj, no touchy-feely, until a heartfelt apology.
Lobby_Bee 18
Oh, he knows. Nobody can be that dumb.
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Comments (24)
AzrielB 8
say you forgive him and give him a chilli powder hj
saricaste 21
That is not a harmless prank. What would one generally use toilet paper for that wouldn't be awful with added chili powder?
DanielleinDC 34
That's why OP put the word in quotation marks.
DanielleinDC 34
Your boyfriend is a jerk.I can only hope he needs to use the paper the next time he goes and ends up with sores inside his butt.
dexter420 21
At least you didn’t have to poop
onceuponatime456 16
He forgot nothing and you would be advised to get rid of the asshole before he really hurts you!
KittyMack 13
At first I thought this was yet another moron who doesn't know the difference between their ****** and their vulva, but based on the "sticking ice cubes up there" part I figure no, she really did somehow use the peppered TP in her ******. I'm so confused. TP basically just slides over the outer surface of the labia majora, it shouldn't be touching the inner vulva much at all let alone the ******. Was she stuffing TP inside because she was out of tampons? As someone who has gone 42y without sticking TP up my bag, I am utterly confused about what happened. Anyway, whatever she was up to in that loo, she had every right to do it safely. We shouldn't have to fear that things in our own home have been sabotaged by our loved ones. BF is one heartless piece of shit.
KittyMack 13
(Autocorrect changed vag to bag, oops)
Rabite 28
"TP basically just slides over the outer surface of the labia majora" Um no, it doesn't. Maybe for you.
ThoughtsofaDame 12
Someone said the loose powder might have gotten in there also some people do wipe a bit deeper especially if there is like discharge. It happens no need for judgement either way.
ThoughtsofaDame 12
Someone said the loose powder might have gotten in there also some people do wipe a bit deeper especially if there is like discharge. It happens no need for judgement either way.
ThoughtsofaDame 12
Someone said the loose powder might have gotten in there also some people do wipe a bit deeper especially if there is like discharge. It happens no need for judgement either way.
dexter420 21
I don’t think he forgot
AutumnMarie3639 18
isn't chili powder red and toilet paper white? how did you not notice it?
Cali 57
I know they sell different colors of TP in France (I've seen pink, orange, and purple at least) so maybe it's the same in the UK. They might also have a dim lights in their bathroom.
r4m2k 10
He "forgot"? You should consider forgetting forging any kind of meaningful life with that boy. Or ask him to put the same stuff inside his penis. See how he likes it.
ThoughtsofaDame 12
Make him look at the sores until he starts crying. Also no sex until the sores heal and then add a month to that.