Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
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Top comments
metallica_wins 20
At least you'd make it on 1000 Ways To Die.
dantee2005 33
Well, nothing for me to say "cockcicle" says it all
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Comments (128)
misUnderstood23 9
It was cold? Cocksicle?
KayleeFrye 39
I can't believe there are so many morons who keep asking why someone would use a condom for oral sex. Most STI's can be transferred through oral contact as well as intercourse. Good on you, OP, for being safe!
Jay_rdgz 6
Haha that's my favorite flavor yum
Ugi 27
Sorry you nearly choked, but if you liked them, and I'm prepared to bet he enjoyed it, then in the long-run everybody wins!
Acidburn6661 5
you aren't supposed to suck on his d with that flavored condom.. its meant for the guy to eat you out..
Capt_Colorz 8
Ain't nothing wring with that
Hyorin_fml 2
Hmm might as well go really fancy and do something like a creme brulé flavored condom
fictionaldiary 11
You're not supposed to put the condom in your mouth you idiot. It's for having vaginal sex, and then it leaves flavouring on the penis for when you go down on him afterwards.
theBipolarExpres 2
That's not a reason to **** your life :p thats a reason to suck your man.
supertacowaffle 41
I don't think you could have worded this any better.