Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

Goodbye Rémy…

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

Sobering

Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

Today, my 9 year-old little sister is coming back to town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML