Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML
Today, my youngest daughter was going through separation anxiety when I dropped her off at school. After ten minutes of me comforting her, the teacher said, "C'mon, you have to let Nan go now so you can join in with the class." Ummm, I'm her mum, not her grandparent. FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML
Today, my kids are mad I won’t let them hang out at the “cool” parents house. You know, the house with no rules. I’ve heard way too many horror stories, too many true crime documentaries, plus personal experience, to ever let that happen. I will never EVER trust adults that like to party with kids. FML
Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML
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Top comments
tigerlilypop 7
Well shit, go chill with them cool parents.
xlorawrz 9
And she's only five? Imagine the teenage years.
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Comments (147)
tigerlilypop 7
Well shit, go chill with them cool parents.
LiyIa_fml 8
What do 5 years olds know about 'cool parents' anyways?
SmallyBigs 9
You'll be really cool when you tell her she has no ride to school.
MizzErikaHart 8
They're not, sorry.
LiyIa_fml 8
Aw, thats cruel! She could get lost or something :(
kaykay10xo 0
I was most deffinetly one of those kids that cared about which parents my mother hungout with. It's funny now that I look back at it.
enonymous 9
Obviously you're going to need a big bag of weed and make a peace offering to the cool parents social group. If you bring munchies they will love you too
Joshoa123 16
Shes not aloud to be around you until she hangs out with the cool kids. it goes both ways!
SCREAM4meeee 0
All the 'cool' parents are usually douche bags.
kcircuses2 4
47-"allowed"
Bertj 5
Lmfao! I agree xD Get your ass over to the cool parents!
WitchyArmyWife00 0
Allowed
hailphire130 0
enonymous, one more comment until you have 1000. Make it special.
iluvboobies 9
Awww, the beauty of the public school system, where they'll teach your child to be a superficial drone-member of the consumerist society with an empty soul. Yay! Congrats, OP!
EmyB_fml 8
I bet you can't wait for her to be a teenager !
murlocholmes 5
Wow... How did society fall apart to the point where parents are supposed to follow orders from their kids. My advice OP: I hear that a pillowcase with a few oranges doesn't leave any bruises...
jefffluffingham 5
yeah i heard that too... you use a sock though, its easier to hold. you dont hang with cool parents? her clothes all got ruined in a tragic accident. ask her what clothes are uncool. shame, thats what she's getting.
Emo_Girl01 0
Ikr.. Lol
xdust 4
Where did she learn that? Honestly tv teaches kids the weirdest stuff.
Freeze_fml 17
She learned it from the other kids.
xdust 4
Probably. I know I always thought my parents were the cool parents. I still do.
LiyIa_fml 8
Same, my parents are amazing. I had my dad walk me into class each morning until elem. School ended.... Middle school wouldn't allow my dad to come with me :( lol
lcau322 0
shit man life teaches that dude maybe it shouldnt to a 5 year old
xdust 4
Stupid school policies hu?
Enslaved 38
I was so embarrassed of my dad growing up because he would always blast classical music on the radio on my way to school. Now, I love it. Wolfgang kicks ass!(:
Abdul888 16
When I was a kid, I believed my father was the strongest and richest of all fathers!
oSwag 0
The Regular Show. Yeaaaauuuh!
MizzErikaHart 8
Maybe you should hang with the cool parents then.
kings1fan 6
If you can't hang you can't hang!
RetardedChipmunk 7
Do you want her to be shunned?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
It would be useless trying to fit in with some of those retarded parents these days. I have a feeling they have more of a need to be attending school than the children themselves.
Senior29 8
uh huh, if they were that cool, then y r they always at a kids school?
ItsTheKing 10
@54 Why* are* ALL HAIL GRAMMAR!
christyxbee 15
OLooks like 54 needs to go back to school himself ;)
xlorawrz 9
And she's only five? Imagine the teenage years.
slushpup9696 12
When she's fifteen, you'll have to be 150 miles away! And in 131,999,995 years, you will be on the moon.
Spaghetti7 5
Please tell me you didn't just work that out.
NandersTheFox 22
Probably the power of the internet
psykokandy 3
There are cool and uncool PARENTS? At 5?! And why do i have a feeling the cool parents are asses?
KennyMcCrmick322 0
Ops kid: mom ur not cool op: aww :(( Ops kid: yeh, the cool moms have big, frizzy hair, and pretty jeans that go up to there tummies, and there big and squishy like a giant stuffed Teddy bear Op: >:))
RetardedChipmunk 7
Her attitude now and later could be completely different...
DKjazz 20
Buy her and her friends some alcohol. Apparently that's what cool mean.
RabidBunny 10
Superficial at 5? That's not good.
oSwag 0
Having the latest designer Pampers is the IN thing. Gosh, amateurs.
kyliebear 15
If you're allowing her to tell you what you can do and can't do at the age of 5, that's ****** up. When you walk her in to school, show the bitch and hold her hand & kiss her goodbye!
Glockinator 2
Kindergarten is a tough and defining year