Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML
Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML
Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML
Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML
Today, on Halloween, I received an award for my progress at my drug rehab clinic. I told my mom we should celebrate by going out to eat. Her response? "I got you a turkey sandwich from the hospital cafeteria." Thanks Mom. FML
Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML
Today, I was sent by my mother and her boyfriend to pick up some take-out. After getting the food, I began to turn out once the traffic light was green. An asshole cop sped past the red light and slammed into my car, totaling it. When I called my house, my mom's boyfriend asked, "Where's our dinner?" I'm fine, by the way. FML
Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML
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Top comments
yadisingh 5
Eat up, big boy :) Haha, but dude, mom's are moms. Atleast yours actually cares about you haha.
Reign_fml 3
Aw, how sweet
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Comments (270)
patebishop 7
FYL OP. Sorry that had to happen.
kingsamuelcdt 0
Gotta love our parents lunches
forest1wolf 9
Atleast it wasn't like resident evil
zombicidal 11
I hope he doesn't get food in his freshly grown cop stache
shannonreneee 11
I don't understand how parents think that's ever okay?
xXPurpl3Xx 0
Enjoy every moment of it, One day she won't be there any more.
ColdplaySucks 18
I'm grateful that my mom packs me lunch; it's much better than the shit schools serve nowadays.
Magnificent_Fart 1
True that. By the way, I love Coldplay
Hugh_Spreadum 4
Wish my mom brought food to me while I was at work...
SirObvious 1
Relax the throat and cup the balls rookie. Supertroopers
LiveLaughFML 10
your mom is just jealous of your freshly baked cookies :-)
LiveLaughFML 10
Correction: your mom is as just as sweet as the freshly baked cookies she packed for you :-)
fatgirllovesfml 0
This FML brought me to tears, my mom used to do that to me. RIP mom I love you:(
xcowboys 0
Hey 155, sorry for your loss but total moodkill, thanks!
EvilPotato 15
168 on your mom or dads funeral I will say "sorry for your loss but I just got laid, total moodkill.".
salsa324 0
Ikr
welandedonthemoo 5
Rip to your mom. Hope I never go thru that
SixtyNyan 0
OP are you by any chance named Kyle Gass?
KronikSplakkn 4
At least it wasn't your dad.
blaherman 12
No more rent checks pumpkin!
Michael_Kelso 0
Good luck living that down. Cops love giving other cops a hard time.
satph 12
168- how could you be such a jerk??
hawaiianfire 0
YDI for being a cop
Reign_fml 3
Aw, how sweet
patebishop 7
thanks for stealing my comment.
Squirrelx 5
14- he stole your comment?
yankfan89 27
Seriously, I wish my mom would be bring me lunch.
murlocholmes 5
OP, you can bust this guy for theft and possibly plagiarism. ... If not, just plant some drugs on him.
ohSNAPyall 27
They're just jelly.
nublets 12
Lets just hope OP does'nt end up like KG and bum rent money from her too
jaint 0
Ahhhhh I was waiting for someone to meantion Tenatious D xP
blackheart24 10
14- it sounded better from him
skullcandifiedDJ 5
don't worry, the others are probably just jealous lol
StoryOfTheYear 15
202- They're essentially opposite comments. How are they alike?
rudegirlmania 10
Dude...move out
KiddNYC1O 22
Can he move in with you?
iBanana 17
.... Maybe his mother just loves him.
rexgar2000 10
**** that she cares about him, but it is a bit embarrassing for him being a cop and then that happened. The guys probably ate him alive with that
white16sox 19
Where does it say OP still lives with his mother?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
why is everyone thumbing down ^? ...It's true.
Decapitation 3
It doesn't says he lives with his mom people! Come on, he probably told his mom about the job and she got exited and brought him a lunch.
deadman93 8
hey, we all have our down moments.
Confuciussay 6
182 - Your beret looks like crap now beat your face private.
NavySEAL13 0
182 do you live in Jackson CA ?
deadman93 8
quite aware its screwed up. the guy at the issue station swore it was ok.....as you can see its not, and that pic was taken while i was still in basic so i couldnt get a new one.
yadisingh 5
Eat up, big boy :) Haha, but dude, mom's are moms. Atleast yours actually cares about you haha.
ry_ry7 4
I know it may have been a little embarrassing, but in all honesty, he is blessed to have a mother who cares for him as much she does.
LiveLaughLaugh 9
My thoughts exactly. :)
Fruit_Dealer 9
You spelled moms wrong and then right.. Bipolar?
karkid619 8
Bro I wish my mom cared less about me.
daysleeper666 1
I wish I had a mom. Haha...ha...ha. I hate my life
pepelittle9 0
150- I agree with u there
Alexisthebestest 16
I'm still waiting for the day my mom starts writing "love you babyduck" on napkins for me again.
P374RD3D 9
Bi-winning
squirt07 0
Yess agree
TunechiXXL 0
Heybuddy you are gorgeous!!! Love your blonde hair ;)
txgirl09 5
Aww. I'm 25 and my mom still calls me her 'baby-girly' and says i'm 'going off to big girl school' (i'm in grad school). I never tell her to stop because I know one day she won't be around to love and fuss over me and that i'd do anything to hear her say those silly things again.
txgirl09 5
Aww. Agreed. I'm 25 and I still don't tell my mom to stop calling me 'baby- girly'. I know one day she won't be around to say those silly things she says and that i'd do anything to hear it again.
Daralea 21
Yea, it's weird, but she's your mother, a caring one at that. Just give her a hug and a peck on the cheek and be on your way!
smiley706802 0
That sucks
NEEPLES 7
This is Halloween. Jut blow it off and write pie on the end and make your mom sound crazy.
MrKlutch 1
Apple pie is better
P374RD3D 9
Your friends are just jealous that you got Lunchables
alex6946 10
Lunchables are so badass!
Brice28_fml 10
I wish they would supersize lunchables
karagarren 8
I would love if my mom did that for me specifically if it was a lunchable
ciarafox9 9
Bet everyone was Soooo jealous after that..
angrymexican 8
Like your jealous of 7s comment
YtotsDI 0
Dude chill they were seconds apart don't blame her. God
ciarafox9 9
Exactly, obviously I didn't see 7's comment when I was posting?
CadillacPimpen 6
91 you referring to muphry's law. the funny thing is you further proved it's existence...
SolanumX 6
97- MURPHY'S Law strikes again. Though I'm not sure that law is applicable here. Could be. I don't think so though.
rawrkittyrawr 6
32 you're jealous because you couldn't think of it
Sketchisan 27
No, he meant Muphry's law. It's a trope. Look it up.
clsgators 5
Just give her a weird look, like you have never met her in your life
CryMoreFMLs 15
Your picture is just as bad as your comment.
_toronto_chick_ 0
It's a bit too late for that...
saralove420 0
You're a dick.
GVirdi 11
Spongebob probably gets more action than you
ajbaby311 5
Love you to!!
TruexSniper 0
Sorry to be a grammer nazi but its "too" not "to"
KiddNYC1O 22
Grammer?? Hahahahahaha. Grammar*
TeeHee124 0
85, you win the internet
KiddNYC1O 22
Well, I owe it to #28.
illmatic2 16
111: You mean wannabe Grammar Nazi. You can't call yourself a Grammar Nazi if you can't even spell the word grammar.