Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML
Today, my dad threatened to kick me out and cut me off if I didn't apologize to his girlfriend, whom I don't get along with. She found the heavily used textbook I bought from a second hand bookstore, which is full of funny doodles and tons of harsh hate messages to a certain "Susan", which coincidentally is her name. FML
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Top comments
sacrosanct2 23
clearly outplayed
emirie 21
Your dad sounds awesome. That's hilarious.
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Comments (107)
bobo_the_bear 5
Don't start a war if you can't suffer the casualties. YDI
aquarioussr 9
Super dad :-) :-) :-) :-)
goliatron 9
I'm pretty sure I read this story in "Tales from Bullshitville."
Omniprism 15
Your dad sounds awesome but I think he took his payback way over board. You should make a poster explaining what happened and post it at your school.
BrotherPhil 35
Are you sure your real name's not Gumball?
Mightytall 35
Your dad is pure WIN! :-)
snugglesMcGee199 23
It's amusing until you ponder why OP chose the word 'lynch' and consider the possibility that he is using the literal meaning of the word.
dirtydiana57 3
Why would you be lynched?
outoftown 27
Because some people/cultures consider homosexuality a capital offense. OP, hope your dad can pay to get you safely out of the country.
capthigh 16
You're dad is actually awesome
djPanda 8
Best dad ever