Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML
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Top comments
onepctech 0
Give me a call, I'll make you feel like a woman.
lagoosie 0
What the hell is up with people trying to play hard to get or trying to seduce people? ******* get off your ass, and tell him you want to be with him. But, yeah FYL AND YDI. Stop playing with yourself, and go play with your husband.
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Comments (215)
Sportsfan86 3
#4 and #6 lmfao
PlusShipping 0
OP means orignial post.
spillproof 0
I can't stop laughing at #17 & 22. haha OP, the first sentence made me laugh and click YDI.
anorexicbarbie 8
Aww that sucks but the comments are making me lol.
jakeisgay3397 0
ohh thank you. haha im socially retarded when it comes to text slang, like YDI FYL etc etc
PlusShipping 0
57, married dosnt mean attracted to. He might have been attracted to her at one time but as time goes on married women let themselves go. Guys get suckered into marriage and then can't leave.
PureGold 0
And by "FML's like this" I mean: "Oh no, for once my husband or boyfriend wants to watch sports and/or eat food instead of have sex with me! FML" Has your life been altered in any way? Did anyone get really embarrassed in public? If you ask again in a few minutes, or after the game is over, will he not say yes? Did he actually tell you you were no longer desirable and ask for a divorce? There have been soooo many FML's like this, but are they REALLY FML'S? No, no they are not. So OP, once your husband is done with his sandwich, no doubt he'll be ready for a good sexing. Patience is a virtue.
SHOOK68 0
DON'T COME BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS MEAT, TRUST
Diamondlightbulb 0
#27, that actually isn't true. Because males of any species are made to have as many babies as possible (to keep its race thriving) , all males subconciously think about sex every 7 seconds. It's been proven by scientists, though I'm not sure how.... :/
monicamischief 0
@ 43: as i said, if a man would rather eat than have sex, there is something very wrong with him. i would never eat instead of having sex. i would always choose sex, even if i was really hungry and i am a female. : / and if your **** looks like beef, there's something off there. my **** does not look like beef : /