Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML
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Top comments
onepctech 0
Give me a call, I'll make you feel like a woman.
lagoosie 0
What the hell is up with people trying to play hard to get or trying to seduce people? ******* get off your ass, and tell him you want to be with him. But, yeah FYL AND YDI. Stop playing with yourself, and go play with your husband.
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Comments (215)
jakeisgay3397 0
since when is a guy not in the mood?
baysidebird88 0
uh is your husband gay?
droppinloads 0
I guess you'll shag later. I always prefer to work up an appetite. Maybe he was just needing to trim the hedges and scrub up the twig and berries. Sorry about your luck. It would be a pleasure to walk in on that scene!....and go....
omglyktotally78 0
Maybe he didn't know what the **** you were doing. For all he knows, you coulda been testing yourself to see if you had breast cancer.
HeyThereGorgeous 0
That's when you yell. "actually no it's not. I forgot the nasty mold that's been growing inside it for 10 weeks!"
Essentials 0
Don't give up. He's clearly not gotten enough from you in the recent past to know. Oh also, next time, rub him if you want the action.
kissezxoxo 0
men need sex and if he's not getting it from u he's not gunna settle for doing it alone.... so i think you should finish up urself and find out who the other woman is.
cobra946 0
rofl nice # 31
notsocrafty 0
The direct approach is alwys the best. Except in this case. Perhaps he could not see "the show"?
swole 0
He was just punishing you because he had to make dinner YDI