Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML
Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Dark__Angel66 24
Even though you're grounded, don't let that stop you from working out! Congrats for all your hard work, don't let your brother's jealousy get in the way :)
lanco_fml 10
stay true to your self and out a breeding on your brother
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
DevilsMetsGiants 30
How is there any correlation between muscle growth and smoking weed?
wdunh69733 24
If only pot had the side effects of a workout
Thors_Hammer9999 17
use ur new muscles on his face.....hard
NZgirl92 6
I dislike that the administrators change 'mum' to 'mom' whenever people who aren't from the US submit an FML. We're not all American, you know.
Sirin_fml 47
Neither are we. This is how it was submitted. People emigrate all the time, and we don't change stuff to appease Americans. Use the search function and see for yourself before getting all accusing.
perdix 31
It's because we US Americans, ... such as South Africa and ... such as the Iraq,.., would get confused thinking they were talking about their chrysanthemum.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
It's a French website translated. Why would you think they would care more about how American's talk than anyone else?
mackdeezy 22
Is it really that hard to get a home piss test?
alycion 39
If you are not partaking in the plant, go to the pharmacy and get a home drug test kit. It should solve the issue. If you can't get there because of being grounded, ask your mom to get one.
KaseyAly 10
You can't pick your family. Good luck!
jrock9093 18
Your brother is an idiot and your mom is not far behind if you are going sounds life a drag hope thing get better op
perdix 31
Your brother's an idiot! If he were clever, he would have told your mom that you were on steroids. Not only would you be grounded, you'd get a lifetime ban from cycling and baseball!
FrankHotpants 31
You don't need to be at the gym to get in shape, there's plenty of workouts you can do at home to keep your brother jealous. Make sure you ask him constantly if he even lifts.