Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML
Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet, now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
You're next.
aubama_fml 15
here's your breakfast master.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
BMurphy55 1
Holly **** that is gross!!! I think that would be hilarious if that happened to my mom who is deathly afraid of rodents.
KillSwitch96 18
I'm deathly afraid of your spelling!
DorklyComicFan 8
Only one word is misspelled by one letter. I'm deathly afraid tooo. :)
Epikouros 32
Well, it's a rather painful misspelling...
Gearden 8
grammar nazis, you have no power here, now be gone.
RoseBlack123 37
He just wanted to prove his love for you
cannonman1863 17
It's clearly a message from your cat. The mouse was a small demonstration of the abilities of your cat, and now you are aware of them. Accept the cat as your new ruler, and all will go well.
snugglesMcGee199 23
Yes. Also, never look him in the eyes. Just don't. *sob*
chuka81 27
Nothing like freshly killed mouse for breakfast. Helps you grow big and strong.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
cats are better them what again?
Enslaved 38
"Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you"
Dodge4x4Ram 46
dogs are better then cats Enslaved O:-)
SwtCherryPie 26
Do the speak English in What?
xSlendamon 4
If ur cat brings back a present it means that the cat thinks ur a bad hunter
CrissyyyS2 22
Well you should feel better knowing no mice will be snacking on your food leaving holes in packages and stuff!
steffidallasbfl 16
Look what I caught master. I caught just for you
aliciavanham 13
Worst wake up call ever
ruckfules85 34
Um early birthday present.