Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
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Top comments
watchme 11
I suggest locking your door at night
shorty6823 28
I don't think he's old enough to really understand death... And how permanent it is
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Comments (169)
AerBear115 15
What. The. ****.
iloveshim 14
There is no way he came up with that on his own. You might want to find out where he got that from, and stop it.
dblogic 19
Awwww, little Damien is so adorable!!!!!
moonfull101 13
That should be addressed properly. You should check where he received such an influence
spike7447 13
LMMFAO!!!
LostByumbers88 5
....dude, your kid's crazy. But he's only 5 so he probably doesn't know any better. Lock your door though...
ilesuk 11
Perhaps a little bit of therapy is in order to nip what ever this is in the bud early. Also try and talk to him. He might be 5 but can still communicates. Ask him why he did it.
qwertkinz 12
Maybe you need to have a little talk about death...
tarickman 13
As long as its not a learned behavior...
Deviant_fml 5
serial killer in the making ;P