Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
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Top comments
SMG227 0
YDI for calling it "intercourse"
buddy51 23
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!
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Comments (154)
Sparkiee93 3
It was just yesterday, you still have time, your local Planned Parenthood, ask for "Plan B", and I mean NOW you only have around 75 hours after intercourse! GO! GO! GO! GO!
moonlit_manga 0
stupidity is a choice,choose wisely. ydi. haha you have a Super Tiny Dinosaur (STD) (jk on acranym) seriously morning after pill or in the phone book I believe there are free abortion lines....idk. (for future repliers don't go all political because I mentioned abortion.) dumb ass. don't have drunk sex....
Lennee 0
Moral of the story? I'll leave you to figure that one out?
xoluvinshayxo 0
lol #55 ydi. no glove no love lard o' tard (;
tabrium 0
YFDI for not putting on a condom in the first place. she probably had an STD stupid
ellysa_fml 0
oh shit
Bloonbloon 0
17 and 51 Waffle lameo! (ROFLMAO)
yeahreally 6
omg the comments on this are the BEST i have ever read in response to someones utter and complete stupidity. #9, 11 and 17 ftw!! i lol'd a lot at "oh the joyyy!"
Lightz_Camera_Me 0
YDI for being the worlds biggest ass Fact: Birth control is not 100% effective and does not prevent the contractin of an STD Fact: Never have drunk sex, a person cannot consent to anything while under the influence Fact: Your an idiot
mimerino 9
Fact: you can't spell.
Hurple 0
I totally agree with