Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
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Top comments
SMG227 0
YDI for calling it "intercourse"
buddy51 23
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!
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Comments (154)
WWJC 0
u shoulda jerked off, jus like ur father should have
Rune3345 0
I Lol'd. Not gonna lie. You deserved it retard
maddie1 0
wow
Kaaides 0
Next time, before you drink write condom on your head. When the girl asks why that is you remember to put on a condom. Really people, why telling him to pay more attention during sex ed, he was just drunk.. I don't know how many people remember their sex ed lessons when you're drunk. I, for one, don't.
ALQ_fml 13
I have to wonder, since the OP didn't even consider STDs/STIs, if he already has one and is one of those serial spreaders. Since this is the internet and it's pretty impossible to get all the details without the OP replying to every question, I think this is a fair possibility, haha. In any case, you completely deserve it, OP, for not using a condom and for assuming that she was on the pill. What if it wasn't even her room? You didn't know her, so it could've been someone else's pill case - if it had been pills. The fact that it wasn't doesn't make it any less foolish of you for not asking and not wearing a rubber.
scabrakazaam 0
Wow, you so deserve getting an STD. Always ask before not using a condom. Why is it pregnancy that everyones so worried about? 1/4 of people have an STD...
spaz4always 0
Ever heard of pre-ejaculation? Pull out method = ineffective most of the time.
danyfuckinheatle 0
congratulations, what are you going to name your kid?
alexxss_fml 10
soooooooo when's the baby due?
igotnerve 0
better start thinkin of baby names....