Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, while trying to pick up dog poo, I tripped and landed in the pile. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
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Top comments
BWill9014 4
Your dog anticipated your clever plan and developed a counter strategy for it... a wise and powerful general your dog is... bow to his superior intelligence.
Quasar55_fml 18
Sorry if I don't get it, but how come there is dog crap near your bed ?
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Comments (62)
T1A2Z3 35
Train your dog or lock your door.