Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
domking1315 20
The itsy bitsy spider went up the va-gi-na Out came the pee and washed the spider out!
CynePhoba 23
Poor spider...
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Comments (258)
eastsidesoldier 7
Wow...I feel bad for the spider:(
srhshl 9
The spider was just trying to pleasure you. I mean, it was wiggling it's legs... Don't get mad at the poor spider just because you couldn't feel him down there. He tried!
KILLERTOAST13 4
ahhh! 8 legged freaks
ycrem0n 21
better than 8 tentacled freaks... IYKWIM
kakarot2 11
I've seen enough hentai to see where this is going. xD
43trauts 14
How does one have to wipe when they PEE?
DuffleBagHero 4
Well, unless your a boy . You sound really weird. As boys have to flick, women must wipe their couch . Time to take a class on hygiene !
MizzErikaHart 8
I think boys should wipe, or dab really....
DerekCorbett 18
73- Now that's just stupid.
DerekCorbett 18
73- Now that's just stupid.
asherm 15
Front to back...
therealslim 15
Posting your comment twice? Now that's just stupid.
mk58 31
I sincerely hope you do your own laundry.
paperroll880 16
22- I think you have some hygiene issues. Who DOESN'T wipe after they pee?
elmousey 5
WTF! My wife never wipes our couch when she gets done peeing!
43trauts 14
#59, 114 - Yes, I am a guy #156 - No, I dont do my own laundry #185 - I dont; I never have. I guess males in general dont have really anything to wipe up after they pee? I'm not really sure. I wouldnt go so far to say that I have hygene issues though. #219 - EWWW
PaperCandles 0
Guys should wipe after they pee. You cannot tell me that you get the leftover pee off just by shaking it. Nasty.
floon_fml 13
#22..... You're an idiot... There's really no nicer way of putting it. Clearly you don't know what a ****** looks like... Or understand how women pee. Please. For the sake of humanity.. Stay in school.
TheSofaKing 7
Sounds like you should go to the free clinic.
KrazieKleo 13
Spider poo!!
KendratheUnicorn 0
Well she didn't shit, she took a piss.
Cad6 24
Spider man, Spider man, friendly piss loving spider man.
hahafylop 4
Can he die From some piss? No he can't Look out he's wiggling his legs
KILLERTOAST13 4
A murder is a better love story then twilight
erwilley18 5
Fish eat spiders.
joanniejore 7
Why do you inspect your toilet paper after you wipe? I don't think that's normal.
nativegirl13 3
It might not be normal for you but a lot of females like to see whats going on down there
citymayer 7
There's this thing called a menstrual cycle. Occasionally women like to make sure they're not bleeding everywhere. Ya know?
PaperCandles 0
Yeah, and also how will you know you got it all cleaned up? I guess you don't care much if you get shit stains on your clothes.