Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend fixed me up with a guy from her workplace. I'm painfully shy, so I really appreciated it and was looking forward to meeting him, since she described him as very sweet. Once the date got started, he continuously made fun of my speech impediment, until I finally left in tears. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said, "It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML
Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML
Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML
Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML
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Top comments
amoureaux 0
i don't get it, how did you think he was flirting??
thuryn 2
You worry too much. This sort of thing happens to *him* every day, all day. Just don't make a big deal out of it, and he'll appreciate it. "Oh! I thought you were flirting! *smile* So what's good here?" That's all it takes. Problem solved.
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Comments (106)
Illidan_fml 0
what's a stutter!?
dr_house_MD 0
#64, how the **** do you not know that?
Shittitties 0
I was just reading this with a friend and he laughed and said thats just like you. I have stutter too lol. FML Btw if i'm not mad no one else has a right to be so stop being suck dicks
anon_anon_anon 1
#5 thats exactly what I was gonna say!
Jellybones 0
L2F. Learn2Flirt.
ROARpie 0
Assumhiming made an ass out of you and him.
dbog10 0
okay do any of you even know what it feels like to stutter? it sucks ass. Most people try to hide it, some can, some can't. if you're smart you understand it was a mistake, but I hope she appolagized. you all are attacking her for it isn't helpful in any way.
dr_house_MD 0
70, yes in fact i do
fp_nbl 0
oops
thuryn 2
#49: I believe that you are an idiot. The whole point of my advice was to turn something that was potentially embarrassing into a *real* flirt. So he has a stutter. So what? I have a wandering eye. Everyone I know has some weird, embarrassing quirk. Some are more obvious than others, but *everyone* has it. You just have to get past your own crap. If I had a stutter, I think it would be annoying, but I wouldn't bother being embarrassed of it all the time, any more than I'm embarrassed by the fact that sometimes people think that I'm looking at them with my left eye when I'm not. What do I give a shit what they think? ...but this isn't about "Jordan" in the first place. The FML was posted by the other person. So from HER point of view, the thing to do would be to break the ice and put "Jordan" at ease. Even if HE wasn't flirting, a little flirting on HER part could have turned that situation around completely. I mean seriously. It's goddammed hard to feel bad about yourself when some girl is flirting with you. ;)