Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML
Today, I was at work at Walmart, casually walking in the middle of the store, when my foot caught on something, so I went flying forward and yelled, being caught off guard, to the point I had to pretend I was running for 3 seconds, then someone blocked my path so I suddenly had to stop. Everyone was staring at me. FML
Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML
Today, I was at the self-checkout scanning groceries quickly. I swiped an item so aggressively that it flew out of my hand, hit another customer’s basket, and knocked over a display of onions. I pretended it wasn’t me, but the onions gave me away by rolling directly to my feet. FML
Today, while in a crowded store, someone tore my mask off my face and ran away. Then before I could run after them, I got stopped and screamed at for not wearing a mask. FML
Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML
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Top comments
PlayTheGame24 5
Because those clothes define you as a murderer.... Stupid judgmental people these days
_GoodGuy 11
I heard a thief that stole a calendar got 12 months.
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Comments (103)
chosha_fml 27
Why would she do that when you are clearly a cat burglar?
SWC_Penguin 17
I do believe you're not a murderer but come on, a beanie is suspicious as hell. What nefarious plan WERE you up to?
SWC_Penguin 17
Ok, I want to state for the record that my comment is based on faulty information. I just googled "beanie" and that is NOT AT ALL what I thought a beanie was. I picture a beanie as the super-sized-yamaka with a propeller on top. Apparently the word has changed meaning over the last 3 decades.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Or at least thief, mugger, maybe.
ltaper11 20
Are you sure it wasn't because u forgot to leave your scream mask and knife in the car?
nieldan 8
Murderer!*
TheNewGuy03 29
Maybe the lady is Microsoft Sam and has no emotion whatsoever
Ultimate_No 7
As if she's important enough to murder. People really think too highly of themselves.
FightMyLiger 19
Was your outfit made out of gorilla hide?
rt567 15
sadly, some people can be quick to jump to conclusions
rt567 15
sadly, some people can be quick to jump to conclusions.
perdix 31
Murderer of fashion, that is! Would it kill you to throw in a splash of color, Mr. Goth? (And Johnny Cash wouldn't be caught dead in a beanie!)