Romantic move

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

Love hurts

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

Jump scare

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML