Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML
Today, I bent down to pick up my dog’s mangled tennis ball at the park. At the exact same moment, someone’s Great Dane ran full speed into me from behind, knocking me face-first into the mud. My dog then ran off with another family. FML
Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML
Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a cute dog. I reached down to pet it, but it snarled then bit me. As I was walking away, I saw the owner of the dog, who was laughing and filming the whole thing on his shitty cellphone. I hope the video isn't out there on TikTok or whatever. FML
Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
The good news is that in a few months, you'll have a litter of baby-puppies.
DocBastard 40
Was this great Dane Beowulf or Hamlet?
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Comments (214)
ismellladygaga 0
this shit made me lmao. o.o...!
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
lol I think that's hilarious!
CaliforniaCheese 0
Sounds like that upper body needs some work, I'd suggest you start carrying a slab of meat in both hands to build it up, it serves a dual purpose as it will deter your new boyfriend's lust for you.
browntiga 0
another species of the same gender
zacharydaniel 0
that would be funny...if it was true
bkina 0
lmao sooo funny comon if it was someone else ud be laughing too
lostfaithinpppl 19
Learn to spell before you attempt to communicate your thoughts in a written form again.
eminemXshady 0
^^ your name completes your comment
bkina 0
lmao sooo funny comon if it was someone else ud be laughing too
sammyxduh 0
Oh god, lololololololol.
Rjword3 0
hahahahahahahaha
exigency 0
"Savaged and brutally humped into submission." Lmfao. Your use of vocabulary definitely made this that much funnier. Though how long did it take you to look them up in a thesaurus?